June 27 2016

The New Testament Church

new testament churchFor the past few years I have been faithful to say the least in my involvement with church. I went from being complete pagan of the world, to a Christian within a matter of months. God literally plucked me out of sin and placed me in a church. I was lost and confused about who God was, who Jesus Christ was, and I was. As I began going to church, I felt a new life and a new purpose growing within me. I enjoyed the worship and the sermons. I went through a rapid stage of growth and development. I got baptized and my family became members of the church. Soon I was making friends and becoming active in church. God was working amazing miracles in my life!

Before I knew it I was in 6 Bible studies, I was on the worship team, I was in a life group, and participating in whatever ways I could. I loved my church and Sunday had become my favorite day of the week. It was a day to look forward to more than any other day. I just wanted nothing more to spend time communing with God and to worship and have fellowship with other Christians. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t even believe that people wouldn’t go to church and go on vacation instead. For me missing church was missing a huge part of my heart.

It’s hard to believe it has been over three years now since I first started going to church. My life has changed a lot in these past three years! I have gone beyond rapid growth and been catapulted into an even greater transformation then I could have ever imagined. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, deliverance, and inner healing, I am finally becoming who God has made me to be. I struggled and searched in desperation for so long to know who I was in Christ. I never thought I would ever possibly see the day that I could even have an understanding or glimpse who I am in Christ! And here I am. I surrender my heart, surrender my soul, I surrender all that I am; and the Potter has been faithful. He is going to finish the good work he started within me. And I am so very excited for that. I am learning and growing still, so very much. But not everything has been easy. This time has been excruciating difficult and painful.

Yet you, Lord, are our Father.
    We are the clay, you are the potter;
    we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

Which leads me to the current season I am in with my church. I stopped attending church regularly about a month-and-a-half ago. Honestly, church has become extremely painful for me. Which is a very drastic change from what I have come from over the past few years. Truthfully, it’s a miracle that I was so passionate about church to begin with. You see I was raised in a church and in that church I was abused. Every person that said they were my family and cared about me, every person that was supposed to protect me and love me, turned love into pain, and crushed the person that God created me to be.

You see the devil has taught me a very important lesson. Love equals pain and people hurt you. That is what I firmly believed my entire life. And it was only by the grace of God as I was able to push through these beliefs for that season to grow relationships and have fellowship at church. It just came to the point that being at church caused me so much pain I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was already in so much pain and all around me I found that people at church  were rejecting and abandoning me. I just could take it anymore. I could not take the people that knew me turning their backs on me and pretending that I wasn’t in great need. The little girl inside of me was so wounded, so alone and so desperate that I would walk away from church crying for many weeks.

Of course I understand that the pain I felt at church was from much deeper wounds that had taken root into the depths of my soul. That does not change the beliefs I have at the core of who I am. Healing takes time when the wounds are that deep. I am finding strength and healing in Jesus Christ, but I don’t honestly know what it’s going to take to get to the point where I don’t feel abandoned and rejected by people at my church.

Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.”

Psalm 142″4-5

I used to have a deep-seated belief that if I didn’t go to church every week there was something bad or sinful about me. I would look down at people who would skip church casually as if it was no big deal. Church was what you do as a Christian. You go because it’s the right thing to do and your duty as a Christian. And we went week after week after week, no matter the cost. Thankfully I have realized that church is not a duty. If you’ve lost the passion to go and meet the Living God in a time of worship at church, then maybe you need a break. And if you feel like you need a break; it’s okay. God is not going to be angry with you. He’s not going to punish you. You’re not going to be a huge sinner. You’re not terrible and you’re not evil.

I think it’s time that we reshape and reevaluate the reasons why we go to church. What was the purpose that the church was originally started by our founding fathers? It wasn’t out of duty or obligation, but out of love and desire to see everyone grow together and have their needs met. They would get together and pray for each other and uplift each other and worship and praise the Lord together. They would help those in need who were lacking in food or clothes or shelter. They would teach each other about the Lord Jesus Christ and all He has done for us. They would prepare each other to go out into the world and spread that wonderful news. No one was lacking anything and everyone who was able would bring something important to the table. Not because they had to, but because they sincerely had deep love for each other and desired to see the good news spread far and wide. And they knew that wasn’t going to happen without love and a deeper root in Jesus Christ.

As I look around Church in this day and age, I do not see that commitment to love one another or a desire for growth and passion to bring the good news to the lost. I see people congregating together as if in a social club, hiding every flaw underneath a wide grin and doing their best to be the good Christian that they were told they need to be. I see pain masked in those smiles. I see brokenness hidden behind locked doors. I see love traded in for judgement and every man for himself.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—  that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,  that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:8-11

I know this is not the case for every single Christian and every single Church, yet that fact still remains for a large population of us. We’ve lost the passion and desire to worship our God, because we’re too busy worshiping idols and not wanting to look ridiculous raising our hands, or going on our knees before the only One that deserves our praises. We become very concerned about what our worship service is like. Is it too long? Is it casual enough? Is it formal enough? Is the music the way we like it? Are the people the kind we want to be around? And so on and so forth. We get caught up in all these logistics and politics and call it Church. Maybe we need to start to realize that church is just a building, and it doesn’t have anything to do with following Christ.

The word church as used in the New Testament comes from the Greek word “ekklesia“. According to Strong’s Concordance it means “an assembly” and according to Thayer’s Greek Lexicon it means “called forth”. The church is meant to be a body of people who have been called forth to gather together. That does not have anything to do with the constraints we have put on “church”. There are no rules about what days, times, types of buildings, etc we are to use to gather together. First and foremost we are to gather together in praise and thanksgiving to God, and that needs to be done every single day, not only on Sunday mornings. How many people do church one hour a week and call it good, separating church from the rest of their lives. When did church become and event instead of lifestyle?

I certainly do not need to go to a building to follow Jesus Christ or to worship and to praise Him, to love Him, to hear from Him, to have a relationship with Him, to love others more, to follow the call He has in my life. Does that mean that we should stop going to church? No, that is not what I’m saying. But we need to be very careful to not let church define who we are, and stop putting Christianity into a box of what we think it should look like, how we should behave, and who we should be. Following Jesus Christ has nothing to do with any of those things whatsoever. Following Jesus has to do with surrendering your whole heart and soul to the one Creator God, giving yourself and your worship and adoration. After that the rest is easy. You just follow Him.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ Matthew 7:21-23

I have had so many different ideas of what it looks like to be a Christian, or how I should act, or what I should do. God has deconstructed each one of them and started to show me that instead of forming my own ideas, I need to go to the One who formed the entire universe and His hands. I need to seek Him first and His Kingdom and then everything else will be added to me. It works differently for every person because God created each of us uniquely. God has a special call on each one of our lives and each call is to do something amazing in His Kingdom. But we need to stop being bogged down but by our own misconceptions about what following Christ looks like. We need to be willing to surrender those ideas; those prefabricated molds, that have been placed upon us, and start living for Him instead. We have no idea what God has in store for each one of us. Our minds can’t even fathom what God would have us do. Much like Gideon, we are all hiding away, just trying to keep ourselves busy doing the work we think we should be doing, but instead God has been calling you out saying “mighty warrior just take one step to trust me and see what I will do with you”. It’s okay to question. What’s not okay is turn your back and say “Not me Lord”.

I have no idea what the future holds for me and my church life. But I do know one thing: God is healing me. God is transforming me making me new and raising me up to be who He wants me to be. As long as I’m faithful to keep following Him and surrendering, He will be faithful to complete the good work. I have visited some other churches in the area and attended some events at my own church. Whatever happens I will continue to be open to following the spirit wherever He leads. Even when it’s difficult, even when I don’t want to; because I trust Him. If God loves me enough that He would come down to earth and live a human life, and know rejection and abandonment and pain and torture, just like I have; and I know He loves me enough to take good care of me.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

1 Corinthians 12:27

June 20 2016

What Is Witchcraft?

witchcraftWhen I was a teenager, I was absolutely fascinated with vampires and witches. I used to watch any shows I could about the subjects, such as Sabrina The Teenage Witch or Teen Witch, and I would devour whole book series, such as The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. There was nothing more exciting and romantic than the prospect of falling in love with some hunky vampire and becoming one, or even better, wielding the power of witchcraft myself. These shows and books painted a picture that a teen girl could easily become enraptured with, especially one who desired to escape reality.

With the ideas of pop culture firmly planted in my head, I believed that witches were exactly what I saw in the movies: a woman who wore long black dresses, had long dark hair, and had a black cat and a broom. What else could a witch possibly be? Oh yes, she could also be young, beautiful, sexy, powerful, and have the ability to change reality to whatever she desired at the flick of her wrist. What girl doesn’t want that?? Yet I didn’t think it was something actually achievable in real life. Witches are just for stories and for fun, right? That is what I thought until I met two real live witches in person.

When I was about 18 I met a couple who were Wiccan at a cafe where I read poetry every Thursday. They did not fit the picture of your typical witch in my mind. The guy had red hair woven into short dreadlocks and dressed very colorfully. He was boisterous and energetic; not sullen and dark. The woman did wear a lot of dark colored long skirts, but she had platinum blonde hair, and was quiet and reserved; not sexy and powerful. I got caught up very quickly with this couple, and soon found out they came from a family of witches, their mother being the head of a large coven. None of them looked like the stereo typical witch, and I am quite certain that anyone who came in contact with them on a daily basis would have thought any of them were witches. So much for that idea!

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Romans 1:21

As I formed a relationship with this couple, they began to first teach me about their viewpoints on god, then on what witchcraft was and why it was important to them. I got a very quick education about the basics of witchcraft from these two, and it had nothing to do with cauldrons, black cats, or pointy hats. What it did have to do with, was harnessing the power of your intent. A white witch, which is a witch that has intention for “the good of all” and never to harm, uses the power of the goddess and the gods to help elevate and execute this powerful intent that is being sent out into the universe. So a witch would say a spell or incantation, or do a ritual, and it would be focused on accomplishing a goal. The goal could be something as simple as getting that job you want, or it could be more complex, like trying to bring a lover to you. Either way, it must be done carefully, as a white witch must never cause harm. They believe very strongly in the “law of threefold” or whatever you do, comes back to you three times. So if you do something with ill intent, it will come back three times worse than what you sent. It is a lot like karma.

Since this couple were white witches, this is how I learned how to perform magic. After I parted ways with this couple, I began to practice solo, reading as many books as I could on witchcraft so I could learn more. I taught myself about the holy days (such as Samhain), about the different gods and goddesses and why they were important, about the purposes for altars and the tools used in rituals, and much more. I also taught myself about other religions, such as the Kabbalah (which is Jewish witchcraft) where I got my hands on a book that taught me to astral travel in a very powerful ritual. I didn’t stop there either. I also taught myself about other religions so I could learn how to channel energy, find enlightenment, and bring me to my higher self. As far as I was concerned, they were all very relevant to each other. As long as I focused on my love for my mother earth and not harming anyone or thing, I was good.

As time went on I got into a relationship with a man, who I taught everything I knew too. Together we practiced magic and did spells and rituals often. Before I knew it, we were crossing the line from white witchcraft into grey magic. Grey magic is in between white magic and black magic. Black magic, as you may know, is to cause harm to others, or as I thought at that time, totally evil. So grey magic is crossing the line into a grey place where you aren’t doing anything for the good of all, but you also aren’t doing anything to cause harm. For a white witch, it is a place you dare not go, because of that law of threefold. It was this short season in my practice that I found out why it was dangerous to cross that line. The spells, incantations and rituals we performed all backfired, and my husband (at that time) landed in jail, then left me for another woman, and didn’t see his children (including the one born at this time) for 6 months. It was about that time I laid some of my practices down for a break.

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

John 8:44

It was not until I became a Christian that I began to learn the truth about what witchcraft really is. And that discovery was a journey in itself. Even as I came to Christ and told my testimony, I did not change the view of what witchcraft was. Over time I began to realize that there was no such thing as “white” or “black” magic. All magic was actually something that came from the devil. That does not infer that witches are evil, what it means is that the gods and goddesses they call upon for their power are actually demons in disguise. I know that witches that practice magic in the name of doing good do not believe they are actually harnessing the power of demons. If they thought that to be true, they would not do it. They do care about the earth and other people, but they have been lured into the same deception that I was: magic is good and gives you power and connects you with a higher power.

The truth is, that is what every human heart desires, because that is what we were created for. The problem is, is that witchcraft is a counterfeit for what God has made us for. He has made us to connected to His goodness, and have His power (the Holy Spirit) and be one with Him. Yet people get lost in this world of lies and illusions and get trapped into choosing a counterfeit. Often times they make these choices because magic was handed to them as an alternative to pain. They have believed the lie that God does not exist, and if He does, He is cruel and unjust. And who can live in a world where that is true? So they make the reality of a world that is much brighter in comparison to that, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden. The only difference is Adam and Eve discovered they traded the truth for a lie much faster than many of us ever do.

Satan has many counterfeits in this world, and witchcraft is the counterfeit of praying to God. With prayers, you are using your emotion and intent and the Holy Spirit carries them to the throne room of God. It is the will of God that carries out these prayers. With witchcraft, you are using your emotion and intent, and the demonic inside of you (or that you are attached to), uses it to carry it out for you. Witches use their spells, incantations, rituals, etc. sort of like a prayer, except they are sending it to the gods or goddesses of their choice. Often times they invoke more than one god each time. They ask the gods and goddess to help them with things in life, just like we pray and ask God for help. They light candles and burn incense to conjure their gods and goddesses, just like we sometimes do in church in honor of God. Yet when you open a door to witchcraft, you are opening up a door to the devil himself.

I had no idea during the season of my life that I did witchcraft that it had anything to do with evil. I did not even believe in the devil! You do not have to believe in the devil for him to be real. All you have to do is invite him in by doing witchcraft. Witchcraft comes in many other disguises than the ones I have described white witches as doing. Witchcraft is deeply rooted in our society, and has been since ancient times. If you look at the Old Testament, you can see how prevalent witchcraft was then. They sought out fortune tellers to tell them the future and necromancers to talk to their dead. They sacrificed their children to the god Molech (the god of human sacrifice). They tried to use divination to tell their own future or sorcery to protect themselves. These are all things done in witchcraft today. Nothing has changed. The only difference between now and then is, at that time it was all done out in the open, and now the devil has gotten good at hiding these things in plain sight.

When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there.  Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead.  Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you.

Deuteronomy 18:9-12

Witchcraft is always disguised as something that is good, helpful, positive, uplifting, etc. Some examples are yoga, reflexology, acupuncture,  and channeling energy (meditation). These all look like healing practices but are based on channeling demonic energy into your body. Other examples are witchcraft hidden in games or movies, such as Harry Potter, Frozen, World of Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, Ouija Boards, Charlie Charlie, Game of Thrones, Magic the Gathering, Yu Gi Oh. I could go on and on and I haven’t even mentioned video games. Movies and games about witchcraft or witches are actually bringing witchcraft into your life. They look innocent, but they are dangerous. Witchcraft always makes big promises and always takes something from you in return. You may be promised, fun, enlightenment, healthy, wealth or even power, but you always pay a price to get it. It looks innocent, yet has the power to actually bring the devil into your body.

Witchcraft is not a simple thing, although I am trying my best to make it understandable to everybody, because I feel it is important to become aware of it’s reality in our everyday lives. When you practice witchcraft of any kind, including any I have listed here, or in other blog posts, then you are now open to practicing witchcraft. It is as easy as taking a yoga class, and channeling the kundalini spirit. You cannot separate yoga from it’s spiritual root. The practice of yoga is channeling energy of the Hindu gods through your body through movement and meditation. It does not matter whether you know you are doing it or not. You can actually do witchcraft and have no conscious recognition of doing so. Once you have opened up your body and soul to the demonic spirit of yoga, then it is in you. You invited it in. Now that intent and strong emotion can be harnessed with the power of that demonic spirit in you to send it to other people around you. All it takes is getting angry at someone and thinking bad thoughts about them, and that demon has your intentions and it’s power to attack that person. That is witchcraft. It is really that easy.

So if you have done anything that is witchcraft, you have a high probability that you have invited a demonic spirit inside of you. That is how you open the gate or door inside of you to demons  It is possible that some leave and don’t come back, but the fact is, they want to have that right to be inside of you. That is how they wreak havoc in your life, and the lives of those around you. Yes, you really can watch a show such as the Game of Thrones and be inviting demons into your home. They are spirits, and can use any mode of energy to transport themselves they like. That means electromagnetic waves and sound waves are carriers and conductors that they can use. So when you are watching a move/tv show/video game, there is their open portal in.

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.

1 Timothy 4:1

powerofgodI am not telling you any of this to scare you. As a matter of fact, I do not think you should be scared. Fear is not of God, it is of the devil. God tells us to trust in Him implicitly, because He has the whole universe in the palm of His hand. The devil is a created being and limited in power, therefore he is just trying to do what he can to make up for the fact that he is so limited. Using these techniques is underhanded and deceitful, because that is all he has to work with. If anything learning these truths should inspire you! You were created to have a relationship for Jesus Christ, and to walk in the power and authority that He bestowed upon you. So if you have been unwittingly been participating in witchcraft, then it is time to get back to your roots. Jesus tells us He is the vine in which we are to be fed, yet we have been plugged in to alternative power sources. We need to wake up so we can pick up our swords and fight. There is a battle going on around us, every single day. We can either learn how to fight in it, or we can just sit in the midst of it and let it toss us around until we die. Either way, there is still going to be a battle.

Trust and faith in Jesus Christ is the only way we are going to accomplish anything in this life. If we want to do great works for the Kingdom, then surrender yourself to God. If you want to experience freedom from pain and oppression in your life, surrender to Jesus Christ. If you want to grow and learn more about God and the Bible, surrender and let God do the work that needs to be done. We are incomplete when we come to Christ, because it is only His work in us that brings us to completion. It may take a lifetime to get there, but the reality is, many will never get there in this life, because they have already given up the fight. We need to never give up the fight, because God certainly has not given up on us. He could have given up, but God was willing to go to extreme lengths to bring us into a right relationship with Him. What Jesus has done did not end for you because you believed in Him. No, that was only the beginning. God has amazing and wonderful things, beyond what you dare dream, in store for you in this world, right now! Just trust Him! Believe that He has planned a good work in you that He will be faithful to complete! Then keep running the race with perseverance. The devil can take you down, and he can scare you into quitting, but he can’t take you out, unless you allow him too. The best thing to do is get on your knees, brothers and sisters, and lift your eyes to your Father, who is waiting for you to surrender all of your heart to Him. Then just wait and see where He will take you!

Now war arose in heaven, Michael and his angels fighting against the dragon. And the dragon and his angels fought back, but he was defeated, and there was no longer any place for them in heaven. And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

Revelation 12:7-9

June 13 2016

The Spy; A Parable

spyOnce upon a time in a land far, far away, lived a Righteous King. He was the most just and fair King that ever did live. He ruled over His land with honor and power and all of his subjects loved him dearly. That was all but one. The King had a host of loyal subjects that were very close to him, and served in his royal cabinet. His most loyal servant, was the head adviser on his cabinet. This adviser was well-loved among all the other cabinet members, as well as the people of the land. He was handsome and debonair, and always treated the King with the utmost respect and honor, never stealing away any of the King’s glory for himself.

That is until one day, when everything changed. You see, this chief adviser had grown tired of being merely, a subject to the King. He was sickened by giving all his glory to the King, when rightfully it should have gone to himself instead. So he began to plot a way to overthrow the King, and become king himself. So one day when the King was away from the castle, the head adviser put his plan into action. He had been planning for long enough to gather an army for himself; the Kings own subjects who would defect onto the side of the enemy. When the King returned home, he found that the head adviser had taken over the castle and had made a decree that he would be the new king.

However, this adviser was very ill-informed. His own staff was smart, but far underestimated the power and might of their King. The King easily overthrew the adviser and had him removed from his castle, and the entire land. The adviser was banished to a land so far away, that it was as if he was in another world. The King was so majestic and beautiful, especially when he displayed his awesome force of power, that the people soon forgot about the evil adviser. The land was filled with hope and joy all of its days, because this King was one that could never be taken from his throne.

It was not long before the evil adviser had hatched another plan to take down the King. This one was more evil than the last, and was not going to be thwarted. The evil adviser, or the enemy of the King, was going to hit him where it hurt the most. His only beloved child; the princess Faith. The princess was yet still a baby, wrapped in swaddling cloth. She had hair as golden as the sun and eyes as blue as the sky itself. It was if she was created in heaven and then sent down on a cloud into the arms of the King, who absolutely adored her beyond words.

The baby was able to bask in the love of her adoring Father for only a few short months before the enemy captured the princess. It was oh so easy, the enemy thought. Too easy. He was able to send some of his best men in and steal this precious bundle, as if taking candy from a baby. He stole the princess away and placed her in the home of a family in the new kingdom he had established for himself. A kingdom that was based on principles of fear and hate. The enemy king ruled with an iron fist. No one was to come against him, or they would be severely tortured. He was to be worshiped like a god, or penalty of death. The enemy king wanted complete loyalty, and because his servants knew he didn’t deserve it, he had to force it upon them.

The princess babe grew up in a poor home on the outskirts of a impoverished town. She was now the daughter of a farmer and a wash-woman. Faith would spend her days doing slave labor in the castle, along side of her poor mother who was always very ill. The princess had no idea of her birthright, and neither did her adoptive parents. She was absolutely beautiful; radiant even, but the evil king made sure to take every action to suppress her beauty as soon as he could. Soon Faith looked like nothing more than a beggar child, dirty and unkempt.

The evil king kept the princess working in the castle so he could keep an eye on her. All servants in the castle were made to worship the king morning and night. Those who didn’t, were beaten or beheaded, depending on the kings mood that day. So Faith was beaten severely on a daily basis for many years, for refusal to worship the evil king. He would not kill her, because he had yet a much greater plan for her. If he could turn the King’s only daughter into a loyal servant for his side, then that would be the best revenge ever. That foolish King thought he was so wonderful; his foolish people adored him. Well what would they all think when he showed The King his prize jewel, stolen away for himself.

Year after year went by as he kept Faith under his thumb. Her beauty and radiance begin to fade as she lived a life of brutality and fear. She worked herself to the bone, day in and day out, until eventually she felt defeated by her terrible life. The princess had no idea of her true identity. She only knew that if she could simply die, she could finally escape her living hell. All her hopes for something better died by the time she was a teenager, once she realized that escape was never even an option.

Meanwhile in the land of the Righteous King, the whole land was in mourning. When the princess was born, everyone rejoiced. She was indeed a gem in the crown of the King, but when Faith was kidnapped, it was as though the heavens began to cry. Rain poured down into the kingdom for 7 days and nights after her disappearance. The King sent out a search party to find Faith, and each one came back empty-handed, until finally the King himself went out looking for her. He too came back empty-handed, and that was when the people began to weep and moan for the great loss. The princess was to inherit the kingdom, and be a great and wonderful ruler in her own right. Now it would never be. The people had to let go of Faith, and move on with their lives.

Little did the people know that the King knew exactly where the princess was the whole time. Secretly he went to watch over her, and sent his most top-secret spies to keep tabs on her life as she grew. You might wonder why the King would allow his precious daughter to remain in the grasp of pure evil, yet the King had a much greater plan indeed.

As the princess entered adulthood she began to spend more time with the evil king, working for him as a royal secretary. By this time Faith had grown accustomed to the ways of the evil king and even worshiped him without being forced to. She enjoyed getting to know him, as he showed kindness and his softer side to her. She even began to feel what she thought was love towards him, as he offered her small trinkets of affection. It was the closest thing the princess had ever felt to love before, as far as she could remember. She became so close to the king, that within a year he asked her to become his bride.

The princess was delighted. She immediately went into training on how to be a royal queen. She could not simply become queen, she had to know all the ins and outs of the kingdom and how to help rule over it. She began to learn all of the everyday workings of the kingdom, and over the course of a year became extremely knowledgeable about every facet of the kingdom. Soon she was ready to marry the evil king, and become the queen of darkness, ruling along side of him.

Years went by as the princess aided the king in his kingdom. She knew all of his secrets, including the devices and tricks of his army. The king had used his powerful army to defeat many countries, and there was only one that was invincible besides his. The Righteous Kingdom. The queen of darkness knew of the Righteous King, but somehow knowledge of who he was or what his land was like had alluded her. When she asked questions, the evil king always told her stories of how cruel the king was, and how dark the land was. Always filled with despair and disease. In her heart she grew hatred towards this Kingdom, and wanted to destroy a King that would be so evil. For you see, the queen of darkness had been quite convinced that she was actually a good queen, who ruled along side the only king that was just and true. After so many years of conditioning and training to be who he wanted her to be, Faith had no idea what true evil she was involved with.

Finally the king and queen prepared to go to war against the last country that was standing against them. The Righteous Kingdom. They gathered their massive armies together and headed towards the Kingdom with every weapon that had been prepared for just this moment. They were ready to eradicate the King and take over his Kingdom for their own. As they rode up towards the castle on steeds of black, the Righteous King rode out to meet them with his own army. His steed was pure white and He was majestic and glorious to behold. He had no fear in his eyes, only Truth and Power. His sword was polished steel and gleamed in the sunlight. His armor was of pure silver, and absolutely impenetrable. As the queen of darkness beheld this King of Glory, she could not believe her eyes. He was so pure and righteous that she could not deny it for even a second. As the King got off of his horse to greet the evil army, the queen stopped and stared. She had no idea who this King was, but she knew he was more than her eyes could bear.

The queen jumped off of her horse and began to bow to this King. Her husband, the evil king jumped off of his horse and grabbed her by the arm, cursing at her. How dare she make a fool out of him in favor of this so called King. Did she not remember all he had prepared her for? Did she not understand the importance of defeating him? All the years learning at his side for this very day? Faith looked up at the Righteous King and his eyes were soft and kind. In that moment a light flickered in her heart. A light that she thought to be long dead. And with that light, a faded memory, that crept in so quietly.

A tiny baby, wrapped in swaddling cloth, and a Father, holding her, singing sweetly over her. Faith was transported for a moment into another world where she saw herself as that baby; so beautiful and so very loved. She saw the King holding her and telling her she was his beloved daughter, forever. The queen opened her eyes and tears began to stream from them as she was filled with sorrow and grief. This King was not her enemy. This King was her Father.

“Yes daughter. It is I; your Father. And I am here to take you home now. Where you belong. Are you ready to come with me?”, the King said.

“Father?”, she questioned. “You cannot mean me…for I am terrible and cruel. I am nothing like you. I am filled with evil and the ruler of hell itself. I have done many evil things in my life, and I have hated you with all that I am. I cannot go with you. I will never be good enough for someone as Righteous as You.”

The evil king laughed wildly. At last the moment he had been working on for three decades had come to pass. He had stolen away something good and pure, and made it as hateful as he. He had corrupted righteousness and made it evil. And now he was using it against the King, and his revenge was set. Victory was at hand, at last!

“My daughter. You mistake me for someone I am not.” said the Righteous King.”For I am not a man who would value you for who you appear to be on the outside. Your actions are no match for the purity that I have bestowed upon you before you were born. For you, daughter, are a product of my love. And it is your heart that I have come for. Your heart is still pure and beautiful, even under the facade of evil you impersonate.”

tiara-1301868_1280With those words the princess fell at the King’s feet, begging him for forgiveness. He took her by the hand and lifted her to her feet, embracing her tightly. “I have waited so long for this day. The day I could hold you and tell you I love you, face to face,” he said.

Faith wept tears of joy and tears of relief. She had waited her whole life to be loved and to be accepted. Faith had been beaten down by life and molded into something that pain made her. She had tried to become something she was never meant to be, in order to survive in this world. And now she was finally free. Free to be the queen of righteousness she was created to be, and to rule with the King over his Kingdom.

The enemy was absolutely horrified and rode away with his great armies in shame, once again. This did not deter him away from his ultimate goal however. He was now more determined than ever to defeat the Righteous King. He was going to steal away every single one of his loyal subjects, even if it took his entire lifetime. He would turn the King’s own people against him, and form an army that would take over the entire Kingdom. There was nothing that could possibly stop him this time.

That is except for Faith. After years living in the evil king’s domain, she now knew all of his secrets. She knew how he worked, how he thought, and how to stop him from taking over the people of the Righteous Kingdom. After all, she had just spent three decades as a spy. The evil king did not stand a chance. It was time now to learn under the Righteous King, and his plan on how to defeat this evil, once and for all.

The End.


June 6 2016

Surrendering To Pain

painToday I feel like a outpatient that has just gone through major surgery. On the outside I may appear normal (although I am doubtful of that), but on the inside I have just gone under the microscope and had tumors removed from my soul by the hand of Jesus Christ. That may sound like a strange phenomena, but that is exactly what I go through, every week. Some weeks the surgery is fairly easy and I get out with a short recovery time. and little pain. Other weeks I need to be quiet and rest, letting the procedure take hold in the depths of who I am. Recovery takes longer because the pain was more intense.

What is this surgery you ask, and how can it possibly be good for me? Well these weekly procedures are what I like to call “inner healing“. I started my journey into inner healing last spring. It actually started with just a wonderful Biblical prayer counselor, but then that abruptly ended because God had bigger plans for my healing. The Biblical prayer counseling helped me to get an understanding of the anger I had been dealing with for my whole life. What I learned is that anger, as well as anxiety, fear, bitterness, depression, and other related feelings, are a secondary emotion to pain. Pain is the root of all feelings outside of the love and joy God has created us to have.

Pain is a sneaky little thing really. It always seems to hit you out of nowhere, blindsiding you and then leaving a mess in the wake of it. You are left looking around you wondering what happened and how did you end up on the floor? Most of the time when pain comes we are so unprepared we have no idea how to deal with it. It is a very messy and ugly feeling, and makes us feel powerless and ashamed of our weakness. Yet instead of reaching out to Jesus, the conqueror of death and hell, we usually shove that pain right back in where it came from, so we can just try to get back up and move on with life. What we don’t realize is that pain comes for a reason, and no matter how bad it feels, Jesus will still work it for our good, if we just allow Him to do so.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

What really is the point of pain, you might ask. Pain is a place to meet the grace and love of God. It is a place where the enemy works very hard to get you, because he believes it is in that place he can destroy you. That is not the point of view God takes, however. God sees us in the midst of this pain, and He sees a sweet and beloved child who needs Him desperately. Yet when He begins to reach down to lend a hand out of the pit, we ignore it in favor of climbing out on our own. We need to feel self-sufficient and capable because the world tells us that we are worthless otherwise. Only the weak and pathetic sit in pain, the devil tells us. Wrong. It takes immense strength and resilience to sit in the pain and call on the name of Jesus to bring healing to it.

When I first started my inner healing sessions, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was surrendering to God’s will, but I had no idea He was about to uncover a mass of memories that had been suppressed for my entire life. He started off small, letting me learn more about who I am in Christ. He also started to reveal places of pain that I was already aware of, yet had tried to suppress. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t that difficult either. Really, I was just dipping my toes into tepid water at that point.

The real difficulty came just a couple of months in. The sessions always start of with prayer, and giving everything over to the will of the Holy Spirit to do what He knows needs to be done. Every person can handle what they can, and God knows what those things are. God had been building me up in strength for a very long time, I just had no idea. I had finally come to this place in time where the healing could begin. The funny thing is, healing never feels like healing. It feels like when you break a bone and it heals incorrectly, then it has to be broken again to heal correctly. Pain upon pain. Then you have the time it takes to wait for the complete healing and restoration of the bone. It takes time, patience and effort on your part to take care of yourself through the healing process. Sounds like a blast right? Of course not. But joy will still abound, when you rest in the faith of Jesus Christ.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 15:13

When the memories come, they often come in slowly, one thing at a time. I am in a darkened room. It is a small room, with no windows. It is cold and lifeless and scary, lit by candles. There are three men in black robes, and my grandmother. I am chained to the wall. I am only about 2 years old. I am scared out of my mind. Why would my grandmother bring me to this awful place? At this point, I did not even know where I actually was, which was at the Mormon church. Over time I would be very familiar with this room.

The men are chanting. They are calling upon evil spirits, and channeling them. I am being molested by my own grandmother. It is terrifying to me. Yet it is not the first time she has molested me, I just don’t remember it at that time. The men are calling upon spirits of evil because they want to channel them into me. The sexual stimulation is for the purpose of filling me with fear and pain, so that I will be open to receive what they have to offer. I can see what is happening around me, yet I can hardly comprehend.

It was very hard to see this memory, as I had no idea, and I mean no idea, that I had ever experienced anything of this nature in my life. I am in shock as the Holy Spirit recalls it to my memory, piece by piece. Yet it is real. How can it be. How? Yet there is some hope in the memory. Before the man who has channeled the demon can summon it upon me, a strong gust of wind blows through the room. It is an impossible wind, in a room with no windows. Yet it blows so fiercely that the candles go out and the man is knocked to the ground. The demon spirit is chased away by the power of it. It was the Holy Spirit. The men are filled with fear, and my grandmother is enraged. The spirit is gone and will not come back this time, so the ritual must end. For now.

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come.  I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:6-7

The man scrambles off the floor as another relights the candles. I don’t understand what is happening, but I do know the presence of God when I feel it. I had already been in communication with God; already had talked with Him personally even at this tender young age. For some all this sounds impossible, and improbable. I wish it was. Yet in this world the devil has a foothold so deep that he has convinced us that he does not even exist. I am not alone in these experiences. There are many just like me. Yet they do not remember. They cannot remember. To remember without the Holy Spirit is virtually impossible, and to attempt to do so could send someone to insanity.

It is extremely dangerous to attempt to recover any memories of abuse without the help of God. He has to be the one to reveal them when He knows you are ready. Once He reveals them He shows you how they affected your beliefs and the way you see God and the world. He then removes the impact of what has been done to your soul through the moments He shows you. He brings you healing and begins to redeem what was bad, trading it for something good. This could never be done without God. The part He plays in this is vital and essential.

This was the first ritual I that I become aware of. It is like a horror movie has come true, and I am the star. Yet the fact that I feel it is unreal and a horror movie speaks volumes about what this experience has taught me. It has taught me that the world is evil, nowhere is safe, the devil has control, and more things of that nature. Yet I still hung on to the hope of God in that moment. I still clung to Him desperately. That would change eventually though, as they realized the power of God that was already inside of me.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 4:4

child-running-1082102_1920I do not think I am special. I do not think my experiences or abuse is worse than anyone else. Abuse in itself is traumatic and rips apart the fabric of your soul, no matter what the abuse is. It is evil in its nature, and it’s intent is to tear you down, so the devil can build you back up, just as he wants you to be. Weak, afraid, and susceptible to his viewpoints of life. That is why it is imperative to follow Jesus into the pain. The pain wants to control us and hold us down, but God wants to use it to teach us, to empower us, to strengthen us, and to build us in our identity in Christ. I have not wanted to know these bad things that have happened to me. Not once. They only get worse from here, every single time.

Yet I have continued for 9 months, and I have no idea when I’ll be done. Do I consider myself strong? Not by a long shot. But because I have trusted in God, even just a tiny bit, I have been willing to walk through this with Him. His mighty right hand has uplifted me, and strengthened me, just enough to get through each day. I have wanted to die. I have begged God to take me home, because I am done with this life. It has been harsh, cruel, and a living hell. But God says He wants me here, if I can just keep hanging on. He has promised to redeem it all, and give me something beautiful in return. I honestly have no idea how that is possible, but I have heard that nothing is impossible with God. So I chose to remind myself of that promise, even if it is hard to believe. So far He has been faithful and True to His word to me. So I keep fighting the good fight.

And you can too. I know you are not me, but you are here because you know you have pain and you know you are hiding from it. So I just want to give you encouraging words. If I can do this, I am most certain you can, because Jesus can. And if Jesus can, anyone who trusts in Him can. Do you trust Him, even just a tiny bit? Ok. Then my beautiful sweet friend, you can.

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:12-13