Things in my life lately have seem to go totally out of control. Just a few months ago things were great. I remember thinking that my life was pretty great and I had no real complications going on. I was loving the Lord and all the blessings that He had bestowed upon me. I was happy with my church and my marriage and things were just all around good. I also remember thinking that life is never all good with no bad and that at some point things were going to go south.
Isn’t that the way life works though? It has its ups and it’s downs. No one is immune to problems because we live in a fallen world. Sin runs rampant and we as humans can’t control life’s circumstances or other people. And so it goes. Just a couple of months later it seemed like things were falling apart all around me. It wasn’t just one or two things, but everything. Little things and big things. When it rains it pours! I got through the first month of troubles on the strength of God. I clung to my Rock with hope and faith and trust. I continually kept giving Him my problems and praying, just knowing somehow God was going to come through in my hour of need.
In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalm 18:6
And He did! Boy how He did! I was amazed and overwhelmed and completely humbled. But once that one big problem was resolved, everything else just continued to come crashing down around me. It was blow after blow after blow. I lost my hope and stopped clinging to my Rock. I started to live in fear and anxiety constantly. I stopped praying every time I felt worry creep in and instead obsessed over the myriad of problems and gave in completely to desperation. I knew I needed to stop this madness and cling to God, but I seemed unable to.
I started to feel so lost and confused and alone. I knew God was out there, I knew He is a living God, completely active in my life. Yet I could not find my way to Him at all. It got to the point where finally in desperation I just sat and cried out to God, over and over and over again, begging Jesus to reveal Himself to me, to give me MORE of Him, to let me continually dwell in His presence. I could see how easy it is to get lost like a ship at see and be tossed about. I had completely lost my way and my need for Jesus was glaringly evident. It had never been so obvious how I could not do any of this life without Him.
After that I did start to feel better. I started to feel more connected to God and tried to give my problems to Him more. It wasn’t enough though. Why I couldn’t just release all this to Him, I have no idea. When things around me start to get out of control, I guess I just feel the need to buckle down and take control of them myself. If I can take control of all these problems, then I can find the sanity that I am looking for. What I couldn’t seem to remember though, is that I have no control over the circumstances in my life. But God does.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
Finally as I continued to struggle with my frustration over the lot life had been dealing out to me, I reminded myself of just a month before when I relying solely on God for strength to get through hard times. And of how amazing God had been to me! That is when it hit me – I do not have control over my life’s circumstances, but I do have control over myself! I cannot control how my kids act, but when they get out of control, I can remain in control. I cannot control what is going on in my life, but I can control how I respond. I can control my attitude, my words, my actions, and even take every thought captive to Christ.
What an amazing gift God has given us! Self-control. With self-control I can stop obsessing over problems, and having a defeated attitude and start giving it all to God. God has granted me power – His power, and with that I can choose to end my suffering. If I trust Him and submit to Him, He will take on my yoke and my burden. He will grant me peace, not as the world does, but only as Jesus can. Because if God is for us, who can possibly be against us? God is sovereign. He has created all things and we should never be fooled into thinking God is not completely in control. He began to plan for the salvation and redemption of mankind from the very beginning. He took thousands of years to complete His plan, so it would happen in His perfect timing. And it was all foretold in the Bible! So why should we now give up and think that God has lost control and is helpless?
God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes for Him Romans. 8:28
God has a plan for our lives, and for the rest of all humanity, for all of time. He has graciously given us all we need and He loves us all, willing that non should perish. With that, I found the greatest peace and comfort. I was able to come before God’s throne of mercy and receive the grace that He so lavishly pours out on His people. He loves us and we need to remember we are seated in the heavenly realms with Christ Himself. So we can either live life as though we have been defeated, or we can choose to live a life victoriously – because through Jesus we are more than conquerors.
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:3