This past week has been very trying for me as I learn to navigate through extreme trauma triggers. The other day was my birthday, which I expected to be difficult. All ritual abuse survivors have been abused repeatedly on their birthdays, and so even if you have come to a place of freedom from physical rituals, you still have to battle through the spiritual aspect of it.
Not only does the spiritual attack from astral rituals and human spirit harassment come into play, but also dealing with the emotional trauma of abuse that was perpetrated repeatedly. Even if you don’t have any visible trauma happening to you, it can feel as if you are reliving the trauma and it can become quite overwhelming.
That is what happened to me this week. I had been trying to prepare myself to deal with my birthday. I had been praying and surrendering and trusting in Jesus to help me through. I expected some form of attack to come, but I expected it to come most likely from my family. I didn’t expect it to come from a new friend I had just met. I was completely ambushed and it threw me off.
You shall not fear them, for it is the LORD your God who fights for you.
Deuteronomy 3:22
I had decided to treat the day like any normal day and go about my usual chores to take my mind off things. I thought I might make myself a cake and clean the bathrooms. When this person called I actually felt that maybe they wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I don’t have any friends and I was kind of excited. What they actually called for is to rebuke me for sharing something in our group they didn’t approve of. Funnily enough, it was a Biblical proclamation by Derek Prince.
Unfortunately, I completely lost it. What I mean by that is my emotions were more than I could handle. I didn’t yell or scream or say terrible things, but I was very emotional and didn’t respond in a mature way that I would have liked to. That is how it goes with trauma triggers. They hit you like a ton of bricks and before you know it you can only respond from a place of trauma. You lose control of yourself because trauma becomes so heightened as you are reliving it from the past.
It doesn’t look like you are reliving it. You might be perfectly safe at that moment, but the emotions don’t and can’t match your current reality. I have lived like this for so very long. It used to be much worse because my trauma response was daily, usually all through the day. If my kids didn’t listen to me, or if I felt like the house was too messy, or things felt out of control, or I felt like my husband didn’t care about me, my trauma response took hold. My emotions went from 0 to 600 in seconds and I had no say any longer.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
So in hindsight, I have done much better this week in response to trauma triggers. I didn’t yell or scream at anyone, or completely lose functioning, or curl up into a ball and cry (ok maybe once). But I did get very emotional when talking to people and had some responses out of unrighteous anger towards my kids and husband. I felt very shaky and had a very hard time curbing my very wicked thoughts about the situation.
Here’s how I have learned to cope with the trauma: pour all my heart, fears, and emotions out to Jesus as much as necessary. Journaling about what happened and how I feel is another outlet. Continually repent, repent and renounce for all my thoughts and sins towards others, including any type of witchcraft. Pray, proclaim, and repeat scripture as much as possible. Worship, whether by singing, listening, or just verbally worshipping Him.. And lastly, distract myself. By taking myself out of my situation and briefly focusing on a tv show or Youtube video that is lighthearted or funny, actually helped quite a bit.
Trauma triggers are hard. Scratch that. Trauma triggers are extremely overwhelming and difficult, but they are not insurmountable. They can be overcome and in time, with truth and Biblical counseling, they can be healed. I have come a long way and I do expect to see even more healing as time goes on. But we must have grace for ourselves when this happens. We might need to stop what we are doing and separate ourselves from the situation or people so we can pray, repent, proclaim or contact someone who can pray for us and talk us down.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
There is nothing wrong with you if you have been having these extreme reactions. If you have survived trauma, whether you remember it or not, it affects your brain, your nervous system, your response time, and much more. You are coping with heavy emotions and it affects your body as well as your life. You have to go easy on yourself knowing that there is a root cause to this behavior, and the problem is not you.
We are all sinners, completely broken and in need to grace. If Jesus has enough grace for you, then why do you deny yourself of it? If His grace is not enough for you, to cover your sin and forgive you and bring redemption, then what is the point of the cross?
We have a much bigger God than all of the pain and trauma you experienced, as well as your behaviors and responses. God sees your heart. He knows you better than you know yourself. Put down the whip and hand it to Jesus and allow His healing to come to surround you instead. It is the devil that wants to punish you, so why are you agreeing with him instead of Jesus Christ?
For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10
We are all in a journey of healing, and we each go at the pace that God Himself sets. We can’t speed it up or slow it down because He is sovereign over it. He’s sovereign over our brains, our bodies our lives and we need to learn to trust Him in the process of it. And you can. I know you can. I believe in you because you have a God much bigger and far more powerful than anything else.
I love you. You’ve got this. We’re in this together. You’re safe. I pray peace be still in Jesus’ name.
May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.
Jude 1:2
John Ceperich
Umm, you’re doing great and we love ya. We all have a lot of room to improve. Minor typeo, “All ritual abuse survivors have been abused repeatedly on their birthdays, and so even if you have come to a place of freedom from physical rituals, you still have to battle through the spiritual aspect of it.” should read “All birthdays should only be celebrated with smiles and only ones’ favorite cake and ice cream.” Especially yours Beth. Happy Birthday!
Rhonda Morris
I have such great compassion and love for you. Though I have never suffered this, I know those who have. I’ve seen both sides of it, Beth.
My late best friend & brother in Christ was formerly a 5th seal of the 1330 realm. Most of his life was spent deep beneath the top ground. One day, a believer prayed for him. Whether it was a victim, I do not know. After this, he had an encounter with the living Christ. The voice of our Lord knocked them backwards to the ground. When the others were able they got up and ran. My brother remained, he no longer wanted to serve Heylel, but the living Christ.
He astral traveled that night and found a brethren that was to help him. The next day he boarded a plane and went to them. They took him to a church where two preachers were. He left that church after helping them put it back together after 20 demons had been exercised from him; his eyes no longer black, but crystal blue.
I have never known anyone who walked closer with Christ and loved Him more. He taught me deeper and higher with my precious Heavenly Father than I ever believed possible. Prayer changes things. The love of Christ transforms.
He too was tortured and traumatized unimaginably from about 18 months of age. When I first met him, he was so tormented by the things he’d done to others, that he asked me about taking his own life. He said he didn’t know how he would look into their faces when he met them again in our Father’s Heaven.
I asked Father what to tell Him as we were talking. I told my brother that these saints would greet him with great love and joy, that he had been saved from the Fire.
He was still suffering so I shared with him about the day that I sat on the edge of my bed with a shotgun under my chin crying out to my Father and asking Him why I should not end my life.
He wanted to know what Father said. I told him; “I will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on me.” I said through my tears, “You’ve gotta do better than that, Lord!” Yet over and over, those were His words. And then he added, “…because he trusts in Me.”
Then it clicked. I was not in perfect peace because I was not truly trusting in Him. We do NOT want to leave the world in this state. We are to trust in the Lord with ALL our heart and not lean on our own understanding…
Father had given me the right words to tell my brother. He also brought your videos to mind and I shared them with my brother. Your testimony gave him such great hope and joy, knowing that victims like you had overcome and were leading others to Christ. (He knew from your story that you were used to breed Nephelim. )
My suffering in life was not in any way like yours or his. But our suffering is not in vain if it is used to glorify Father and bring souls into His kingdom. As my brother was convinced not to slit his own throat, i found myself rejoicing and thanking Father for everything I’d suffered that had brought me to that lowly place in life, because in that moment, everything I had ever endured was worth it.
Continue to crawl up in our ABBA’s arms and cry your eyes out when you heart is troubled and broken, sweet, precious Sister. And while you are there, on His lap, sing to Him through your tears. He will not let you down from there until you are comforted. You are greatly loved.
Very, very soon, the race will be over and the prize will be there waiting for us. I pray for you, my sister, and I cannot wait to give you a hug when we feast at His table.
If you want to know more about me, my YT channel is RhondaM4Him. I was deceived and attacked by the enemy and took my channel down. I started it again. My very first video on this new channel is my testimony of what happened.
Father heard my cries, and He lifted me up and sat my feet back on the ground to finish the race. I carry out the assignment He has given me with great love and joy.
Guy Boisvert
Praise God for your healing and your brother s healing too!
Guy Boisvert
Praise God for your healing and your brother s healing too!
Cindy D Elliott
I have learned so much through your testimony and all that you have shared. I have battled suicide my whole life since 10 years of age. I wasn’t raised in the occult but got involved with witchcraft in high school and then involved with the occult practices and involved with a coven. I am now a believer of Jesus and live for Him but talk about the struggles. There are times when I think I may be psychotic or multiple personalites disorder. I have gone through deliverance. But I can’t seem to get over or rid of the triggers. And people just don’t understand this!!
The Other Side of Darkness
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Wily Wonkeys rejekt
As a victim of the Illuminati I can say this.
The best lack all conviction while the worst are filled with fiery intensity. As a complete idiot. I want to let YOU know. That I don’t LIKE Satan very much either.
I used to think I was god. Because I was very, very, very, lazy. Now I realize that not only am I not god. I’m not even very good at things monkeys are exceedingly proficient at. I just want to say (also). It’s not right to pick on weak people just because you are smarter, more attractive, and more powerful then they are. So, ya.
If your enemy’s are reading this. THEY SHOUD!!!!!!! JUST FINISH THE JOB!
Anyway, keep the light burning BetH with the intensity of a two or three “pretty good” bake sales.
But seriously, if her enemy’s are reading this.
TAKE ME NOT HER OR HER RICH FOLLOWERS!!!!
Hannah
I feel like I can relate to you so much. I don’t have any friends either and struggle to connect with other women. I would be your friend if I lived nearby. I’m glad that God blessed me with an understanding husband. I’d love to be completely removed from all the dark spiritual stuff that is attached to me and my children. I’ve taught them to draw close to Jesus, but the residue of generations of dark spiritual involvement has effected them.
The Other Side of Darkness
❤
The Other Side of Darkness
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