Today I realized, I actually have a good life. You may think that a strange thought for me, but I have to admit there are still many days when I struggle to continue on. Living with mental health conditions such as DID and PTSD makes life very difficult. The struggle to cope with all of the repercussions of the abuse and torture is a daily dilemma. There are days where it is very easy and others where I am basically a pile of sludge that can’t move.
Yet my life with Jesus Christ has done a total 180. Before I had Jesus, when I lived a life in opposition to God, I was far more miserable. My life was chaos and I had no stability. Once I moved out of my parent’s home, I moved every 12-18 months after that. I have had to continually pack up my life and move to a new home. But now we will be celebrating seven years in our own home next month, which means I have given my children stability.
I can’t tell you what joy it gives me to know I have been able to create a stable home environment for my children. Pre-salvation my husband and I fought wildly. We would even get into physical altercations regularly because violence has been such a part of our upbringing. Yet with Jesus, I am becoming a submissive wife who encourages and values the wonderful man God has given me. I am learning to respect him, because of Him.
Before Jesus, we were always struggling financially, and it caused even more division and strife in my marriage. Before we got married we bought a home, and when I became pregnant with our first child together, we bought a mini-van, but within a year our house went into foreclosure and our car was repossessed. We had no money to take care of the little things our kids needed, and soon we couldn’t even afford the rental home we had and were moving back into my parent’s house.
Yet God was using all these things for His glory. It was the stark contrast between a life lived in opposition to God and a life wholly surrendered to Him. Before my husband worked a job where he was treated like a slave, and it was conditional on the weather (he was a laborer foreman), but God has blessed him immensely as he stepped away from that job in faith to start his own business. I have watched him grow as he has learned to trust in the Lord’s provision for us, and not his own.
My life is so full of blessings. I know I talk a lot about my struggles, but today I want to encourage you with the hope that when God is for us we will see the fruit of His work in our lives. Sometimes you just need to take a step back to see the changes and the blessings because you are so caught up in the daily struggles of life. I am so thankful for all of my readers, and all of the support you have given me over the years. Please know how incredibly meaningful it is to me.
I pray for each one of you as you read this that you will be filled to the brim with the love and peace of the Holy Spirit, being fulfilled in the life Christ has offered you. To be truly thankful and aware of all your blessings, as you count them one by one. I love you all, and I will see you again next year. <3
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children’s children,
to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
Bless the Lord, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Psalm 103