For me, growing up with trial and torment daily led me to believe that trials and pain are horrible things I need to avoid. I have lived most of my life desperately trying to remove all sources of pain or problems, whether it meant walking away from friendships or even completely isolating myself. It a situation or person brought me pain on even the smallest level, I was ready to bolt.
It is only recently that I have really found meaning in the verses of scripture that teach us that trials and tribulations are not bad, but ordained by God in order to help us grow in our faith and become mature in Christ. Two years ago, or even two months ago, I could have not said I believed that was true.
How can pain and difficult life circumstances ever be a good thing? When we look at the world around us and see all of the conflicts, hate, and downright evil, it is so easy to feel despair and helplessness. Even in our own lives when we experience personal suffering or have to stand by and watch those around us suffer, it seems like the literal the end of the world. Yet that is not how God views problems.
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes although it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 1:6-7
It is Lucifer who wants us to believe that pain and tribulation are burdens that are endless. When we allow ourselves to believe in our own strength to get through our problems we are actually aligning ourselves with Lucifer himself. He is the god of self, and he lures and entices us into falsely believing that we have enough power inside of ourselves to fix our problems and be our own gods.
So when we come to a place where we are overwhelmed with pain, sorrow, grief, despair, helplessness, and rage, we turn inward and away from God. We believe Lucifer’s lies that God is not enough, but we are. As a matter of fact, God doesn’t actually care about this particular trial or problem, because we can’t see Him doing anything at all to change things. Worse yet, when our problems continue to get worse and not better, we believe God doesn’t care about us at all. He has truly abandoned us.
These are the lies that are essential to the Luceriferian Antichrist End Times Agenda. Self-empowerment equals empowering Lucifer because the fact of the matter is, God has made us weak vessels, and we can either opt to be filled with The One True Living God, or we can allow Satan in instead. Either way, we are going to be filled and run on an outside power source. If we are not aware of who we choose to serve this day, we can easily be swayed to follow Satan’s call.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
I see people every day struggling with their personal suffering, and they ask for good thoughts and commit to being positive about a good outcome. What will they do when their problems don’t get resolved the way they desire them? I know what I have done; turned completely away from God.
I remember so many days where I was so thoroughly oppressed and my pain and suffering were more than I could bear. I would lock myself away in my bedroom and cry out to God, pleading with Him to heal me, to help me somehow. To just do even the smallest thing to relieve some of my sufferings, but He did not. Not that I could see and feel at least.
I did not believe the best of God – that He was loving, kind and merciful, protecting me even when I couldn’t see it. I believed He hated me and had abandoned me, and I could turn on Him in an instant. That is what suffering has done for me.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
1 John 4:18
What I have come to find out is that much of this painful belief system that God doesn’t love me and has abandoned me actually started as a child during the Satanic Ritual abuse. I know not all people have experienced this horrendous level of pain, but I think everyone can relate back to a time when as a young child they felt utterly abandoned and alone and connected those feelings with God.
For me, I was told that God actually abandoned me and hated me, or that He was too weak and helpless to save me. When you are a child you easily believe what you are told, and when it’s connected with physical pain it really seals in as truth. Yet as an adult I didn’t understand that for me suffering was a portal back to childhood suffering. I couldn’t see that my pain was swallowing me up with the feelings of a little girl who was being physically tormented and told that God hated her.
I couldn’t have known or understood at that time, because Satan sets these things up so we forget. He wants these connections within us to remain hidden so that we live vicariously through childhood emotions that lead us away from God and straight to hell. That is why it is so important for every believer to commit to deliverance and Christian counseling or some sort. Every single person has childhood trauma, whether they remember it or not, and it absolutely affects your life today.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:-10
It has taken me four years of intense inner healing therapy to come to a place where I can openly say, I am a child of the God who loves me, protects me, provides for me, and He in this fight with me. No matter what happens, He is right here with me in the thick of it. Whether I can see what He is doing, I trust that He is doing something greater than I know, and He is doing it out of love for me. God has not abandoned me to the enemy but has redeemed me as His own.
Not only that, but I will trust Him when things are incredibly bad. If I find out my dissociative parts have taken me to a ritual, or if I get threatened by the occult to come back or run into someone from the coven I was in and they do witchcraft on me or try to reprogram me, I will not be afraid. I will not fear what man can do to me, but instead, I will rejoice for what the God of heaven has done for me. It is more important for me to live each day finding joy in Jesus Christ and trusting in Him in every circumstance than it is to worry about what could happen to me.
Jesus has me, and He always has. No matter what my future holds, I am sure of this: that Jesus Christ will continue to be my God and I will do everything to follow Him, no matter what.
For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better.