January 30 2017

Manifesting Spiritual Gifts From God

This past weekend I had the most incredible experience at an equipping session for those working in the prophetic. I have never been to anything like it, as truly God Himself has been training me in everything I do for the past three and a half years. I was very excited to go with a dear friend, who too has similar spiritual gifts as I do. I had no idea what to expect, but what I did not expect was to be blessed beyond measure.

Being in a prophetic community was absolutely wonderful. God poured out His Spirit over me, over and over again, lifting me into a place of such deep awe for my loving Father. How God could treat me in such a special way is honestly beyond me, but He proved that I am indeed loved. How does a woman who has spent her whole life living in shame and worthlessness take such declarations of love from God? With a lost of tears and appreciation.

One of the best parts about being in a community where the gifts of the Spirit are encouraged and freely used is not feeling so unusual and alone. For me, my gifts are very strong and not something that I control. I get visions, prophecy, and discernment every day, and it is just a part of who I am. It is so much a part of who I am that before this weekend I could not tell you when I was pouring out prophecy and when I was discerning spirits. It just all flows together so naturally to me that there is not differentiating.

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

1 Corinthians 12:7

I believe there are many people out there who are walking with wonderful gifts from the Holy Spirit, but do not realize they are doing so. They are not in a community that can help foster those gifts or teach them how to use them. They may even be in a community that is against them, and therefore don’t even realize what these gifts look like or how they work. The Holy Spirit has given each one of us good gifts to use as He determines. These gifts are meant for the good of the whole body, and to be used to help others.

I have walked strongly in all of my gifts since I was a very young child. However, the environment I grew up in was one that had absolute hatred towards those gifts. I grew to believe that my gifts meant I was crazy, evil, bad and more, and so I tried very hard not to use them. I was greatly punished for using them, because they were clearly a gift of God. Those who are enemies of God will always try to impede gifts of the Spirit, because they further the mighty work for the Kingdom.

It was not until I began truly giving my life over to Christ, every part of my being that I possible could, that I began to see the fruit of these gifts again. It was not that they were gone or lost; I don’t believe that ever happens. It was that I was too afraid to allow them to manifest into full power in my life. The devil instilled that fear into me, just as he has into many areas of the church. Many Christians are told and believe that all of the gifts of the Holy Spirit are dead and gone. As a matter of fact, I have even been told that if you use these gifts you are actually partnering with the devil.

Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy.

1 Corinthians 14:1

Of course the devil wants us to believe that. He wants nothing more than to stomp out these amazing gifts that bring healing, grace, edification, encouragement, and so much more, not only to ourselves, but to the entire body. When one person walks with the Spirit of God freely, it empowers those around to do the same. We should not live in fear, but have courage to follow Jesus unhindered. We need to do this, because the world is desperate for the signs, wonders, and miracles that these gifts bring to this dark world.

I know a lot of people wonder how they can tell if they have a gift, or if they have a gift how to use it. My best advice really is just Jesus. Jesus is the one who can teach us and guide is in every single question. We know from 1 Corinthians 12 that every believer will receive spiritual gifts, so my presumption is that you most likely already have one. In order to truly understand the spiritual gifts that we have and how to use them best, we need to go to Jesus. If He feels we need outside resources to learn and grow, He will surely lead us right to them. We must have faith.

I have been walking in my spiritual gifts as a Christian for almost 4 years now, but it has taken this long to get a grasp and understanding of these gifts, what they are, and why I even have them. All of this knowledge has only come from the Holy Spirit Himself. Reading books and articles and watching videos or listening to speakers is great, but it is only walking with Jesus, asking Him the hard questions, and leaning on Him for guidance that has truly led me to growth and understanding.

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit–the Father will send Him in My name–will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you.

John 14:26

The Apostle make makes it clear that every believer should desire to speak in tongues and to prophecy. This means that every believer has the ability to speak in tongues and to prophecy. These are spiritual gifts that freely flow through the Holy Spirit to each one of us. Speaking in tongues does not necessarily mean delivering a message in tongues, but more likely praying in tongues. Praying in tongues is using tongues as a personal prayer language. This allows you to connect with God on a deeper level when you have no words, or it is a powerful weapon when you are in a bad place. Praying in tongues edifies your spirit man, as well as others you pray for.

Prophecy is used to edify the church as well as other believers. Prophecy does not necessarily mean predicting the future, and it should never be used as a means of divination. Prophecy is a wonderful gift that should be used to build an atmosphere of hope and brings revival in the hearts of those that hear it. We need to always be very careful when giving messages as well as receiving them, because many people with good intentions have brought curses on others with their false prophecies. False prophecies are a result of being connected with the wrong spirit, who yearns to deceive and bring down the elect.

While we should all strive for spiritual gifts, we should never try to force them. They should flow out of a deep connection with our Father, not because we want to make them happen. While I wholly agree we should all walk in the gifts of the Spirit, I also believe that we may need to walk through deliverance to relieve oppression or strongholds that are hindering our abilities. This is also very important because, as I mentioned before, if we do not clean our houses (deliverance), then we could be harnessing powers of the Second Heaven , which is the Kingdom of Darkness. This does not mean we are bad or evil, it simply means we need to go deep into our souls to break away any ties that are harmful to us, and others.

I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
    your old men will dream dreams,
    your young men will see visions.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
    I will pour out my Spirit in those days.

Joel 2:28-29

spiritual giftsDuring my weekend equipping session I witnessed believers who were connecting to the Second Heaven through their God given spiritual gifts. I saw a woman who used painting as a form of worship. She was incredibly talented, but during each session I saw her painting things of a very disturbing nature, things that were of a spiritual nature, only seen with the spiritual eyes. I also saw a worship singer who was lacking confidence and channeling the power of Second Heaven to bring in a soulish form of worship. He too was very talented in his God given gifts, but he did not realize that he was tapping in to the Holy Spirit and the Second Heaven at the same time.

Each of these individuals is loved and important to God. He does not look down on them for what they are doing, but instead He understands exactly why they do this. He loves their worship, because truly their spirits are worshiping God, even though their souls are not. God has a purpose and plan for us all. He uses all these things for our good. I fully believe that He wants us to all come into greater levels of healing so we can come to know Him more intimately. We just have to be willing to look at the dark places inside of us that He has allowed to remain hidden for our own good.

God knows the perfect timing in which everything in our lives needs to happen. He is not worried, and we should not worry either. Wherever we are with our spiritual gifts, God is there with us. We need only continue to lay out our hearts to Him, even if it means just giving Jesus one piece at a time. That is exactly what I am doing. I am far from perfect, and I am very thankful that God loves me exactly where I am right now. And I am very thankful that my desire to use spiritual gifts in His Kingdom has brought about a closer relationship with Jesus, that has helped me to bear good fruit for Him.

I pray we all allow our desire for spiritual gifts to bring us to greater revelations of who God is, His great love for us, and a greater love for each other. I pray that each of us begins to walk with the Spirit, in Truth and in love, allowing the Holy Spirit to mold and shape us into who He originally designed us to be. I pray that through this we create revival fires everywhere we go, setting the peoples of this earth on fire for more of Jesus Christ. Bless you, my dearest brothers and sisters.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7




July 18 2016

Testing Spirits

testing spiritsI have always had a high discernment for the voice of God, and often times can communicate with Him very easily. I have had many times where I hear His voice and I obey (whether I argue about it first or not is another story) and I have had many times where I could ask Him a question and hear His answer easily. I do not hear God speak audibly, but I hear Him speak in my mind. It took some time for me to grow discernment to know God’s voice apart from others, and a big part of that was trusting that I was actually hearing from God. Truthfully, I had some moments where I thought I was really crazy if I thought I was “hearing” God talk to me.

Through trust and faith I began to believe I could hear from God, and learned to trust Him. Through hearing His voice I began to understand more about the character and nature of our wonderful and loving Father. Through my healing journey I have really relied on my ability to hear God speaking to me to lead me through some dark places into His truths. Yet it was also through my healing journey that I realized I still have parts of me that are aligned with darkness. After being abused in satanic rituals for countless years as a child, I had little choice but to comply with allowing many demonic spirits to invade my being. I am going through a weekly process of healing these places, giving them to God, and allowing Him to bring light to the remaining darkness. It is a long process and I am glad that I have Jesus to bring me this level of freedom.

To be honest with you, I only starting recognizing that testing spirits was an important part of my relationship with God recently. I have had many moments when I struggle to hear from God. There are times I have prayed because I needed an answer to see what His will was in a particular situation, and I would get answers that made me feel very unsure. They didn’t sound quite right to me. So I would pray again and get a different answer. Often times the answer would conflict with the first answer. I started to get frustrated and confused, because I was no longer so sure about my accuracy with hearing the Holy Spirit speak to me. Finally I realized I had times where I was being deceived by false spirits posing as Jesus, or even by my own self.

For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.

Matthew 24:24

I knew of testing spirits and I had seen it done before. But I have gotten too comfortable in my own abilities, to see that I could be deceived. From that time on I began testing spirits when I would pray for God’s will or for His discernment, and I got that feeling that something was not right. Or if I was praying about something pretty big, I would always pray to make sure I was hearing from God. We must be aware because even Peter, who had a close relationship with Jesus, was led astray by the lies of the devil.

It is possible for any person to be deceived by false prophets and lies of the devil. We know that the devil disguises himself as an angel of light, posing as something good and attempting to lure us away from God’s truth. That is exactly the way he worked Adam and Eve. The devil has been around for a very long time. He knows the weaknesses of human beings and puts a lot of hours into finding out each person’s weakness. And because he knows the call each of us has on our lives, he knows how to get to us so he can steal that from us. The devil is a liar, and a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That is why testing spirits is not only important, but necessary. We must protect our relationship with God above all, because that is the sole target where the devil sets his aim.

We also have parts of ourselves that want to go against God, and even be like God. Just like Adam and Eve, we fall prey to our own selfish desires, and listen to unwise counsel (aka the devil). So when we are praying for the guidance and discernment of the Holy Spirit, we sometimes allow those parts of ourselves to pose as God, leading us into temptation. We can become very good at deceiving ourselves when it comes to gratifying to soul over the spirit.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Galatians 5:16

What exactly does it mean to test the spirits? According to the Bible, we need to test every spirit that comes to us to see whether it is from God or not. When the Bible says spirit, it means the spirit of a man and the spirits that come through man. We will come into contact with Christians who are aligned with darkness purposefully, and are set to deceive us; but we will also come into contact with Christians who have aligned with darkness and have no idea. It is through the darkness within them that they will attempt to deceive us, because there are evil spirits that are using them for this purpose.

When people have areas of themselves they have given over to darkness, this does not mean they are evil or bad. It means they have been deceived and have given over the truth for a lie. It happens to everyone at some point, and we cannot judge others by their actions, but only by the spirit. It is our job to continue to surrender our hearts to God, and work towards letting more and more of His Spirit into our persons. It is through this submission that we can be in alignment with God and His will for our lives.

How can we begin to test the spirits? Testing the spirits is going to be something that most people are going to have to learn and work on as they pray. For many it will not be a simple process, because there is so much coming against us from the world, the devil, our own motivations, etc. To begin we need to grow in our intimacy with Jesus Christ. It is through knowing God we can become familiar with His voice, His character, and His nature. It is also through our relationship with Jesus that we can begin to submit every part of ourselves to Him, allowing Him to bring freedom to places that want to come against His will for us. Submission is never an easy thing. As soon as we think we have completely surrendered, the Lord will always show us another area that we have hidden even from ourselves.

According to 1 John, here is how we test the spirits:

This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. 1 John 4:2-3

So when you are seeking after the Lord for His wisdom and guidance and you hear an answer, you can ask the voice some questions. You want to make sure that this answer is coming from the Most High, so obviously if you are hearing the Holy Spirit, it will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Here are some questions to ask: Is this a false prophet? Do you confess Jesus Christ is the son of the Living God?

As you are listening for an answer, remember that God will never answer inconsistently with His character or nature. As you are learning to distinguish His voice from others, be sure to compare your answer with scripture. God does not change who He is, and His word will always remain a strong testament to His character and nature. And any answer from God is going to bear the fruit of the Spirit with it. Therefore if the things you are hearing don’t produce love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control in you or those around you, then that is not the voice of God.

You can also take your question and answer to a reliable person who is strong in their relationship with the Lord for an outside opinion. But in the end, you must never rely on others for advice, because it could dampen your own growth in your discernment for the Lord.

If you are able to hear the Lord in prayer, then you can hear answers to these questions. If you are hearing answers to these questions that don’t line up with Jesus Christ being the Son of God, then you know it is not Him. If you feel strongly you are up against a false prophet, then simply ask angels of the Lord to remove them from your presence, or tell the spirit that it needs to loose and leave you, in Jesus Name.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Hebrews 13:8

Every single person has the ability to hear the voice of God. I have written a post about it here because it is a gift from the Lord for every one of us. If you are struggling to hear the voice of the Lord, there are many reasons that might be a problem. The first step is to just seek Him with all of your heart and soul and mind, developing your relationship with Him. You must trust that no matter what you feel, He is there, His presence is available, that He loves you, and He has never left you. I know many people do struggle with this issue, and I will continue to teach about it.

I want to be clear, that while the process of testing the spirits is very simple, it is a process of learning and growing as well. We need to be in the presence of the Lord as often as possible so we can know Him more. We need to keep giving ourselves and our lives to Him, so we can be aligned with His will. When we do not submit every part of ourselves to Jesus Christ, we are keeping them locked away from the Lord, making it impossible for Him to bring us freedom there.

He is our loving Father. He wants to be with us, to let His love heal us and move us. We were created because of love, and for no other purpose or reason. All we have to do is ask, and He is there. All He wants in return is our love. Nothing more. No works, no good deeds, no service, no certain behavior: just our love. Our love for God is our ticket to true freedom, joy and hope. We belong to Him, and with Him. Let us surrender, and taste and see that the Lord is good.


Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

July 27 2015

The Gift of Discerning Spirits

discerning spiritsWhen I was a child I had a deathly fear of the dark. I was sure that something was going to get me. I know there are many children who are afraid of the dark, but this was an intense fear. I was so afraid that something was waiting to get me, that I could not go to sleep unless I was under the covers and in the middle of the bed. It would get to be over 100 degrees in the summer and I did not have air conditioning in my room. I would suffer through the heat of having the blanket on me, because it was the only thing separating me from certain evil.

I did eventually get over that fear of the dark as I got older, although it did last into my teen years. Once I did get over it I rarely thought back to that time. That is until about a year ago when suddenly I developed an intense fear of the dark again. It was at this same time that I was discovering my gift of discerning spirits. It only took me about a week to realize the connection between that childhood fear and my gift of discerning spirits.

Discerning spirits is one of the amazing gifts of the Holy Spirit. A person who has the gift of discerning spirits is able to either sense or see things in the spirit realm. That means that they can sense or see demons and angels. A person with discerning spirits can also get insight and information about spiritual things affecting other people, such as if they are oppressed or have a demonic influence in or around their person. This gift also comes with a strong desire to cast out the demonic spirits and free them from oppression. This gift flows out of a healthy relationship with the Holy Spirit, and is not something done in one’s own power.

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. John 16:13

As I began to discover my gift of discerning spirits I would notice different physical reactions when a demon or evil spirit was present. I would feel sick in the stomach, and shaky even though I wasn’t cold, fear and a revulsion. So when I began to have the fear of the dark again, I realized I was getting the same physical sensations as when I would sense a demon. It was a huge revelation for me, because I realized I had this gift since I was a child. I was not just afraid of the dark, I was actually sensing the presence of demons in my room.

For some the thought of sensing demons sounds very scary. I have to admit the first few times it happened to me I was scared. I really didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t understand how I knew there were demons there in my friend’s house. I only knew that once I did realize I was sensing an evil spirit that I wanted to get rid of it! And really, that is the fun part. You see, Satan wants nothing more than to scare us. He is the great deceiver. And really it is all he has to use against those who have the authority of Jesus Christ in them. So he brings fear into us, to believe that his minions from hell can do horrible things to us. Demons may have power, but they do not have any authority, unless we give them ours. So often we believe his lies and just freely give over our authority. As much as the enemy would like us to believe they can harm us, we must remember that we are covered with the precious blood of Jesus, and have the authority by His name to tell them to go.

And he called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal. Luke 9:1-2

It has been a long process for me over the past year as I have learned about my gift of discerning spirits. There is no talk of spiritual gifts in my church, and many people do not believe the gifts of the Holy Spirit are for believers today. The think that these gifts stopped being given out after the Bible was done being written. Some people get very uncomfortable when it comes to the gifts of the Holy Spirit. They feel these gifts are strange and unpredictable. Unfortunately these are more lies of Satan. The enemy would love for us to not tap into the power that God has given us with His gifts. These leaves us weak and easy targets. It also causes separation in the church, as this issue is so divisive among believers.

After I got over my initial shock in discovering I did indeed have the gift of discerning spirits, I began to get very excited. I was experiencing my own demonic oppression and spiritual attack and my desire to free others began to grow intensely. I just wasn’t really sure what exactly I was supposed to do with this gift. It seemed a little strange to be able to sense demons and angels, because then what do you do with this information? God was preparing me for something much greater though!

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

With my gift of discerning spirits I am also able to get information about people I wouldn’t otherwise know. Such as a sense of what they were feeling, what they needed prayer for, and if they were lying or not. I also had a great love of worship and feeling the presence of God. These things all help greatly when combined with a desire to help people. The most wonderful moment came when finally I was able to put all these things into practice!

It was at a night of healing at a local church that my husband and I attend. I had never been bold enough to go up and pray with someone who was looking for healing. I had also been very oppressed every other time I had ever gone, and didn’t feel at all equipped to be able to help anyone. But on this particular night, after an amazing time of worship and communing with the presence of God, I knew it was time. I saw a friend praying for healing for someone, and so went up to pray alongside. I wasn’t really sure how I could use my gift of discerning spirits, but God knew. He took me by the hand that night, and lead me into praying for three different individuals, and casting out demons out of two of them.

And also some women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out,  and Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household manager, and Susanna, and many others, who provided for them[a] out of their means. Luke 8:2-3

DoveStainGlassFinally! To be able to know that I was able to use these gifts exactly as God had intended them for! To have the insight and knowledge, given to me by the Holy Spirit, to know exactly how to pray, and to speak words of Truth into these people who were looking for healing. My whole life came into focus that night. For so long I had wondered why I had fallen so far away from God, practicing witch craft, and being so lost. It all made sense to me now. The enemy had lied to me for so long. He had lured me with the seduction of magic into a life of wickedness, convincing me to hate God. All because he knew that if I came into my rightful inheritance as a believer in Jesus Christ, that I would be able to use my power to stomp him out. Not just in my life, but in the life of many others.

God has given each one of us gifts to use so that we might exercise them faithfully for the Kingdom of God. Yet so many of us have lost belief that we are even capable of having these amazing gifts. The gifts of the Holy Spirit are so special – something from our amazing Father who wants to share a piece of heaven with us right here on earth. Not every person will have discerning spirits or healing, or something that seems “important”, but you will have a gift, and believe me, it is very valuable in the eyes of God. Every gift is useful to build up, encourage, and help other people and should be used in doing so. Please do not believe the lies that you are not worthy of receiving these gifts, or that these gifts are scary or don’t even exist. You were made for such a time as this and if you are reading this right now, then please know God is calling you out in this very moment to use the gift he has given you.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10




March 12 2015

Fear of the Dark

sleepingWhen I was a child, I was deathly afraid of the dark. My room always seemed to be pitch black, even with a tiny little Cabbage Patch Kids night light I had for a time. When I would go to bed, I would try very hard to turn off the light without getting off of my bed. I even had a back scratcher at one point to try to hit the light switch off. Anytime I had to turn off the light before getting into bed, I would immediately run and jump onto my bed as fast as I could, so nothing could get me.

Even my bed wasn’t a safe haven though. In my bed I was still paralyzed with fear. I would lay in the middle of the bed, for fear something could come up and reach me from the sides. There was a space between the bed and the wall, only a couple of inches, but enough that I knew I wasn’t safe. As if that wasn’t enough, I also had to have at least a sheet covering me at all times, no matter how hot I was. It seemed that sheet was like a protective barrier between the monsters and I. My room would get sweltering hot in the summer. It gets to be up to 100+ where I live, and there was no air conditioning in my room. So I would be miserably hot, yet still be covered up and hiding under that sheet to protect myself.

If I ever had to get up to go to the bathroom, it was even worse. I would get up as much courage as I could and then run out of my room and into the bathroom. I would turn on the light and shut the door as fast as I could. I did not like the darkness at all. Then I would get up enough courage to run back into my room and launch myself onto my bed. This lasted for all my childhood. I can’t remember when I started to become less fearful of the dark, but eventually it did get better. That fear never completely went away though.

darkAt one point in time, when I was about 18 I think, I decided I wanted to conquer that fear of the dark. I wanted to believe there was nothing out there, waiting to get me. So I began to take walks at night, alone, in my neighborhood. I lived in a fairly good neighborhood, so I don’t think I would have ever ran into much trouble. Not that I am saying it’s a great idea, but nothing bad ever did happen to me. It was difficult for me to lose that “something is going to get me” feeling that I had in the dark. At that time I was very into the occult, and I thought my gods and goddess were protecting me. I used “magik” to put a protection around myself, so nothing with ill intent could harm me. And since nothing bad every happened, I believed it worked. I was completely opening up myself to and immersing myself in darkness, and the darkness was welcoming me with open arms.

It has been many years since I was 18 and testing the limits by walking around alone at night. It seems very silly to me know, but I had courage from my beliefs and from the substance (drug) I was using. I can say I have lost my fear of the dark though. I easily sleep in a very dark room, and do not have to run and jump on my bed when I get up to go to the bathroom. I think I had a period where I was very into horror movies where I did have a fear of the dark again, for a short time. For years I have been perfectly fine, and had forgotten all about it. That is until recently.

You see, recently I have been getting in touch with spiritual gifts that God has bestowed upon me. One of them is the gift of discerning spirits. Discerning spirits is one of the gifts listed in the Bible, and it means that you can tell if there are good or evil spirits present, even if they can’t be seen. Some people with this gift can actually see the spirits, I am not one of them. The gift of discernment also helps you to understand things about people by revelation of the Holy Spirit, that you would not otherwise be able to know.

In the past few months I have had several occurrences where I came into the presence of an evil or demonic spirit. As I mentioned, I cannot see them, but I can feel them. For me, this means when and evil or demonic presence is near, I get short of breath, my heart rate speeds up rapidly, and I feel shaky, as if I am very cold. This all happens very suddenly. I also get a sick feeling in my stomach and sometimes I even get that feeling that something wants to get me.

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 1 Corinthians 7:10

At first when I began to have these experiences, it was quite scary. I had no idea where this was coming from or why it was happening to me. I had never felt demons to my knowledge before, so why should it start now? I have been save for almost two years at the time of this experience. The first time was an isolated incident that didn’t happen again for two weeks. Then another two weeks after. Then it was a week later. It just started happening more often. I started to feel as though maybe I was crazy, yet it was clearly real to me. When someone told me I had the gift of discerning spirits, I laughed. Surely that wasn’t me.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Of course I quickly came to accept that God had given me a gift, a gift I was to use to help others in whatever way I could. And to tell you the truth, while it was a little scary, it was even more exciting! I began to see how God has appointed us to live a life that is far greater than anything we could ever imagine for ourselves! He has divine power He wants to use through us! Not everyone is going to have this particular gift, because there are so many, but we each have spiritual gifts from God, that are to be used in accordance with God’s Word to help and encourage others.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God. 1 Peter 4:10

So back to being scared something is going to get me at night. It was just a couple of weeks ago, when this gift was really starting to get active in my life, that I suddenly began to feel very afraid when I would wake in the night. I would have this sense of dread come over me and I would find myself fearing that something was going to get me. It was very out of the ordinary for my life at this point in time and it brought my memories of childhood flooding back to me. Why would I have that feeling after so many years? It was easy enough answered for me. There was a demonic presence near.

So many things have happened to me so quickly during this short walk I have had with Jesus. I have prayed to God over and over again, to please take me and use me for the good of His Kingdom. I want nothing more than to give my life over to Him, the best I can. I want to help people and I am open to God working in my life, because I love Him so very much. That is the only reason I can think that my spiritual gifts have really opened up to me. But another thing is, I realized that I have had this gift of discernment all along. As far back as I can remember, it has been easy for me to understand people and things about people I couldn’t have known on my own. And there have been times when I had that sickening feeling in my stomach that someone was just behind me, waiting to hurt me, even when I knew there was no one there. This was long before I became a believer in Jesus Christ.

It was very easy to begin to succumb to the fear I felt. The fear seemed to creep up out of nowhere and take hold of me. It whispered in my brain that I was not safe and that evil was lurking to take hold of me at any minute. And I believed it for many nights. It was so easy to believe, because it was just like being a little girl, alone and vulnerable, all over again. That is exactly the place that our enemy wants us to be in. In a place where we let our thoughts and feelings control us. It makes his job very easy!

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

For in our fears, our worries, our anxieties, we are not submitting to God, but to ourselves. For God has promised us countless times that He is with us, protecting us, taking care of us, and that Satan cannot harm us. We are His dear children and He wants to help us when things in life are difficult or scary. He delights in us coming to us with our problems! That means Satan cannot harm us, he can only lie to us and make us believe he can. We are to cast all our cares to God, and let Him comfort and guide us through life. When we stop trusting God and letting Him be our primary lead, we start giving the devil a foothold in our lives.

We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them. 1 John 5:18

jesuslightWe are not to be afraid of the dark. Jesus came to defeat death and darkness. Darkness can never win, unless we give ourselves over to it. That is through fear, worry, anxiety, anger, rage, unforgiveness, or any other sin that causes us to fall away from God. All of these things are like a slow poison that is killing our relationship with Jesus, our Savior. We must remember to daily repent of things that we do that grieve the Holy Spirit, and to continuously move closer to God. He has a plan for our lives, and He wants to prosper us and watch us be mighty warriors in His Kingdom! Do not let fear hold you back from the victorious life in Jesus Christ that God has given you!

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12


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