October 10 2014

Welcome to the Other Side of Darkness

My name is Beth, and I am here to tell you my story. A story of my journey into a life of darkness, hopelessness and despair; into the very pits of what I call hell, and the amazing force that brought me up out of the darkness, and into the light.

outofdarkness

I have always felt alone and sad. I never felt good enough or loved. As a teen I was raped by my boyfriend and became suicidal. Later I fell into drugs and alcohol, which consumed a large part of my life. In my search for truth and meaning in life, I delved deeply into the occult and witch craft and new age for several years. I was in several abusive relationships and continued to be depressed and lost for many years.

Does any of this resonate with you? Have you ever struggled with depression or suicidal thoughts? Or maybe your struggle was with addiction to drugs or alcohol. Have you been searching, wondering, why you are here? Is there a purpose in life? Have you suffered and been so tired that you just can’t take it anymore? Was there a time in your life you used witch craft or new age practices in your search for the truth?

I am here to tell you I understand completely. I have walked in those shoes as well. I have felt unbearable pain and sought to try any means possible to numb it or take it away. You are not alone. There is hope. There is help and healing for you. I have received unbelievable healing, comfort, joy and lasting hope in life! I have known unconditional love, that surpasses my understanding. And I have found peace in knowing why I am here on this earth, and what my purpose is. You are loved beyond anything you have ever known in your life! And you too can experience this wonderful joy and hope that I have found. It is there even for you!

Please explore my blog and learn more about my life, my experiences and how I found light in a dark world. Learn more about walking in joy and victory! I pray you will be blessed beyond measure as you read this blog. Thank you so much for visiting!

 New Posts Come Out Every Monday (with the exception of holidays)!

To read my testimony of how I went from being a witch who hated God, to a Christian please go to My Testimony.

To read more about my life, and how I lived a life of pain, hopelessness and walked from away from God, please go to My Story.

To read my new posts about recovered memories, where I am beginning to speak of my childhood abuse, please go to Recovering Childhood Memories. (If you are SRA please be advised these posts are full of triggers.)

To read about how I came to a Christian church and found a relationship with Jesus, please go to Into the Light.

To read more about my life and my latest posts (with the exception of new memories), please go to Living in the Light.

To visit my Youtube Channel where I post videos weekly about Christian life, spiritual gifts, warfare and much more, go to My Channel!

 

 

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January 11 2016

Your Sin Does Not Offend God

sinWhen I first came to Christ, I was a big time sinner. Who isn’t right? It seems like I probably have committed most of the sins there are  – drinking, drugs, promiscuous sex, sexual immorality, witchcraft, divorce, adultery, lying, stealing, swearing, taking the Lord’s name as a swear word, blasphemy, hate and violence. Wow! Is there anything else left outside of murder? I’m not really sure. All I know is it was an absolute miracle that I came to God at all. It all started with walking into a Presbyterian church one Sunday morning, after never really have been to a Christian church in my entire life. I am often asked how I came to God, and the only answer that I can come up with is God. It was God Himself who brought my family into that church that morning. No person led us there, and it was completely out of left field that we even considered going to a Christian church. I was steeped in sin and loving it.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

The Holy Spirit did a good work on me once He got me into church. We began going to church every week and started to read the Bible, leading up to a baptism for my husband, one of my sons and myself. I believe this is when the real changes began to occur in my life. I lost all desire to drink or do drugs, to cuss, take the Lord’s name in vain, and much more. It only progressed into changing my dress to be more modest, not watching violence on TV (or sex and drugs, etc.) and more. The Holy Spirit was cleansing my soul in a way that was absolutely refreshing! I felt close to Jesus and was in love with Him. My relationship grew and grew until I came to this great place where I thought I had “made it” so to speak. Wow! Being a Christian was amazing, and the best experience of my life! Being with God was beyond anything I had every known that was supposed to be fun or exciting. He filled my heart and soul and brought me to completion. Could it get any better?

And yet it did! My relationship with Jesus continued to grow as He poured out His spiritual gifts and blessings onto me. It was amazing! Yet there were other problems I had. Problems with anger, and problems with my health. They were plaguing me and causing me suffering. Soon my relationship with Jesus took the back seat as I tried to just function every day. My health problems consumed my entire life. I was miserable and soon began to believe God had abandoned me. Finally I had a deliverance session that cleared up my brain fog and left me able to breathe again, enough to begin to restore my relationship with Jesus (at least on my side, because He really never left me). But my anger was still there. So I decided to try getting help, because I wanted to claim the victorious life that I knew Jesus had for me.

for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

1 John 1:4

I began a journey of inner healing which would completely change my life. For the worse (OK it just seemed that way). Many of the bad behaviors, the sin that I had thought I left behind, came creeping back in to my life. Swearing, hate, anger, revenge, lying, and more popped up on a daily basis. I was in shock – shouldn’t inner healing cause healing?! I was absolutely regressing! How could this be? I was also moving farther away in my relationship with God, as I lived in almost constant pain and anger. I was unable to see outside of it for very long and my favorite thing in the world – worship, was something that was lost to me.

I know this sounds bad, but it is actually very good. How can regressing into so much sin possibly be good? Well, it is a part of the healing process. You see I thought God had healed those things in me and cleansed me of my sin. The problem is, that long list of sins I wrote out, were not simply because I was a sinner. Yes, we are all born sinners, and the Bible makes that clear, but we behave this way for more reasons than just being sinners. Many of these sins, these behaviors so offensive to God, are done out of pain and trauma. As a young child I had experienced extreme abuse and it caused me so much pain and anger that as a young adult I blamed God for all of it, and tried to cover it up with drugs, alcohol and sex. I also had severe demonic oppression that led me into witchcraft, the occult and new age. Demons are able to gain access into our bodies through the false beliefs that come with pain and trauma. Sin is not always as black and white as it seems.

It is so easy to judge those around us who we see sinning. Maybe they are alcoholics, drug addicts, addicted to porn, promiscuous, dress provocatively, gamble and so on. We see this and we get angry and want to judge them. How could they call themselves Christian and behave this way? Don’t they know how wrong this sin is, how offensive to God this is? Or maybe they are not a Christian and are just lost in the world. We look at them and feel sorry for them, because we know they just need Jesus. And it’s true! We all need Jesus. But guess what? God is not offended by their behavior. Shocking isn’t it? Isn’t that what we are taught, God hates sin? You’re right, He absolutely does. But you are forgetting one very important thing – Jesus died to cleanse us all from sin before the eyes of God the Father. Therefore no one is seen before the eyes of our Holy God as sinners, but as His beautiful children. Jesus did not die and suffer so only some of us sinners could be saved, but to clear the name of every person on this earth, and free them from their sentence of capital punishment. Every body. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus died for all. Does this mean every person will be saved? No it does not. But every person’s name has been cleared until the time of their judgement. If God saw us all as sinners, He would have to turn His back on each of us until we repented and accepted Jesus. That is not the God of the Bible, that is a God of condemnation and judgement, who forsakes us. We are the most broken and in need before we come to Christ. God does not turn His back on sinners, looking down on them as they continue to sin, He loves them. That is why Jesus came into the world – because of the intense love of our God, our Father. God can’t help but love us.

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.

2 Corinthians 5:15

We are born into a world full of evil. It is the devil’s domain, and he is proud of it. He strives daily to take every single person away from God; to cause them to hate Jesus, turn on Him, and believe God hates them as well. With the help of our natural tendencies to sin, the devil is very successful at his job many times. At least for a season. God is willing that none should perish, and moves heaven and earth to reconcile with each one of His children. Yet because of the prevalent evil and sin in the world, many people suffer and experience, abuse, trauma, pain, disease, death, violence and more. It tears them apart, breaks them down, and causes them to become unable to function the way God designed us to. Many of us are walking around so broken that we can’t help but rely on drugs or sex or lying or other sins to get through our lives. We are so full of pain and despair we don’t even have any idea how deep it runs; like a river that threatens to rise above the shore. That pain is always just below the surface, and because of it, more often than not, we choose to sin in many ways. Does this pain make our sin excusable? No, but it makes it understandable. God knows our hearts and minds, and what we have been through. He has been through it all, with each one of us. He knows how hard it has been, and to what extent we can cope with the things that go wrong in our lives. He sees the sin we commit, but He does not see us as the sin we commit. Instead He sees the pain and brokenness in each of us, and knows why we make the choices we do.

God wants nothing more than to abolish our pain and heal our broken lives. He wants nothing more than to bring us closer to Him, to live in a restored and loving relationship with Him. I have heard many people who view God as a God who is always judging us and make us follow a set of rules to act right and be a certain way. You have to follow all the rules of the Old Testament, you can’t do this and you can’t do that or you are offending God and making Him mad. You need to believe this and not believe that are you are going to hell. I completely understand that, because when I first started reading the Bible, I felt the same way. I was offended by sin, I was offended by sinners and I was convinced that God couldn’t favor those who kept on sinning. That is because I had still yet to come into a deeper understanding of how God loves. God’s love has no conditions on it, ever. You do not need to act a certain way or do a certain thing to receive His love. That is what religion tells us, not Jesus.

Condemnation is not of God but of the devil. He is the Father of Lies and wants only to destroy our souls. So when we are looking down on other sinners of the world and thinking how bad they are, we are not in line with the mind of Christ. Underneath that sinner is a lost soul and a broken heart, crying out for love and desperate for healing. Just like you. They may seem like they have it all together, or they may just seem mean and nasty, but inside their hearts are fractured and crushed into a million pieces. Only Jesus can save us and heal that broken mess inside of us. It is our job to love all those around us, sinners or not. To stop looking at them as a bunch of lowly sinners, and start looking at them as fragile jars of clay that need a little TLC. While it may not be our job to fix the mess, it is certainly our job to love them right in the middle of their mess. Even when we are in the middle of our own mess. We need to take a good look around and realize that the person standing right next to you is crying out for help and hurting just as much as we are. Let each of us reach out and share our burdens’ with the next person, so we can comfort each other and help each other find the heart of Jesus.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

handcuffsI know many Christians who are living in shame because they are struggling with a particular sin. If you are struggling with a sin that you can’t get rid of, that does not mean God is mad at you, or looks down on you. You have the grace and mercy of Christ! The mercy of Jesus triumphs over judgement. If you are struggling it is seriously time to take a deeper look at the root of where this sin is coming from. You have moved past just being a sinner in need of Jesus to having a deep root of pain or trauma that has led to this sin. And the devil is using this pain to push you further into sin, so you will believe you are not good enough for God. You are enough for God! You are worthy! He wants you, all of you and your sinful self! Jesus is the only way to freedom from this world, and all it’s pain and evil. He is the only way to life in abundance. But you must come unhindered by the weight of sin and shame. There is no place for shame at the foot of Christ.

I also know many non-Christians who won’t even look twice at the cross of Christ because they don’t want to be condemned by being told they are full of sin. They have already been condemned by Christians, telling them they are going to hell. That is not the message of the cross! Jesus came to give us freedom from sin, to give us eternal life, and His amazing love. No one can receive this wonderful gifts when they are being condemned to hell without having a chance to experience the love of God. Not once did Jesus meet people and tell them they were sinners going to hell. He saw right through the pain and brokenness and reached out to them right where they were. How can we hope to heal ourselves or reach the lost if we continue to view sin as a one way ticket to hell. We are not going to hell because we keep sinning, we are going to hell if we don’t accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. His love and atonement covers our sins, every single one of them!

What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means!

Romans 6:15

September 21 2015

All Consuming Love of God

love of godHave you ever felt alone? Unloved? Unworthy? I know I have. I have many moments in life when I felt I was not only unloved, but unlovable. I wanted to be loved, but never felt that I could measure up to being good enough to be loved. I wanted desperately to feel approval from my parents, but never did. I wanted to know that I was valuable and important to someone, but no matter how many times my husband told me I was, I could never believe it. I wanted to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful and worth loving, but I could not even love myself.

I think many of us struggle with feelings of being unlovable and unworthy. Does that make it normal or OK? No, it does not. It is a lie straight from hell, and I am here to tell you so. If you feel that you are unloved, not worth love or unimportant, you are believing one of the most told lies in the history of the world. The originator of that lie is Satan himself. I am here to tell you about something absolutely amazing, something that is so important that it could change the way you live your life from this moment forward. God loves you with an all-consuming love.

“The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

Let that just soak in for a moment as truth. I pray in Jesus name right now that this truth would become your new identity. It is very easy to hear the words “God loves you” and not feel any meaning to them. Or to hear about the love of God and not really understand it. Love is much more than a word or even a feeling. It is an act. The love of God has been pouring out on you since the moment you were conceived in your mother’s womb. Why? Because you are His child, and you were worth paying the price of blood for.

Even when I began to grasp the concept of the love of God, it seemed to hover just far away enough to be out of my grasp. No matter how much I wanted to know the love of God, it seemed still a difficult concept for me. I mean, why would the love of God be so strong that He would actually want to die for me? I am nothing but a mere mortal, not worthy of the attention of affection of God. And even as I began to intellectually understand the love of God, still on a deeper level I could not grasp the true meaning of it. I came to a point where I could say “yes, I know God loves me”, but that was just all in my head. It was a knowledge, not an experience, not a true understanding. It struck me one day that if I did not love myself, then how could I even began to see how great and deep and wide the love of God for me was. My own self-hatred was like a filter in which I was seeing God through. In my mind God loved me, but still saw me as unworthy and tarnished. Oh how very wrong I was. Yet another lie straight from the pit of hell.

Will our human minds ever truly comprehend the vastness of the love of God? I sincerely doubt it. I do however believe our spirit can know far more of the love of God than our minds can. God is not something we experience with worldly knowledge and intelligence. The love of God is something with come to know and experience as we begin to surrender to Him. One thing needs to be very clear though – there is nothing you can do ever, that will make God love you less, or look down on you. No matter how much you mess up, no matter what sin you commit, no matter how hard you rebel against God, His love is still an all-consuming fire for you.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:9-10

I  have done a lot of bad things in my life. I have done drugs, had promiscuous sex, gotten tattoos, practiced witch craft, hurt those I love, yelled at my kids and said horrible things to them. In my mind most of  these things qualified me for not being good enough for the love of God. Once I was saved and redeemed there were many things I let go of. I felt truly forgiven and was able to move on. Ironically from what I would consider some of the “worse” sins, drugs, sex, witchcraft. It was the things that I still struggled with like yelling at my kids or having tattoos of things from my past life that I could not move on from. I would look at my tattoo of a pentagram and see shame that would never leave me. How could the love of God penetrate even that? How could the love of God over look my inability to stop yelling at my kids and be patient and kind. Those are really important things in the Bible! Things I just could not do.

I have found it is very easy to walk in guilt and shame. As a matter of fact, I have been conditioned to walk in guilt and shame for the better part of my life. And no, I am not saying I blame my parents for the way they raised me. I blame the real enemy – the one who has been out to get me from day one. Some may say that sounds paranoid, some may say that you shouldn’t give the devil too much attention, but I say when you see a bully trying to keep you down, to call him out. Stop letting the enemy convince you that the sins you are committing right now are causing the love of God to fall just beyond your reach. It is time for it to stop, right here right now.

This is what God says to you: you are beautiful and dearly loved by your Father. The One who created you has always loved you, and nothing will ever cause me to stop loving you. Not one thing. I have been waiting for this very moment that you would draw near to me, and see how beloved you are to me. You are perfect to me. You came from love and were created by Perfection. Never forget where you came from. Draw near to me, dear child, and know YOU ARE LOVED.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:17b-19

Stop dissecting every area of your life where you feel you have made mistakes. Stop looking at your past and seeing how you have failed. You are human, and you will make mistakes. That does not keep the love of God from your life. Nothing can. You can try to shut it out, and believe that you are unimportant. You can walk in shame and let the pain run over you until you are numb. You can believe all the lies that say you are no good. Yet just outside the wall you have built, the love of God is there. Waiting to consume you completely.

Crucifixion-of-Jesus1920I have to say that there have many times in my life that I was abused, usually by someone I cared for or trusted. There were many moments when I cried out “why me?” because I could not understand why I was to suffer so much. And worse yet, why God would let me suffer so much. As I have gone through many inner healing sessions over the past months there is one thing that has become very clear to me. Jesus has always been there, even when I did not see Him, He was there. He did not leave me alone to endure pain or hardship. He did not abandon me because I was making horrible mistakes. No. He was right there, with His angels, doing everything in His power to keep me out of harms way. Unfortunately we have free will and He cannot control that. And the love of God has more than redeemed my pain and my mistakes and indeed made me into a new creation.

So I beg you, stop looking at yourself as sinful and shameful, and start seeing yourself as you truly are – covered by the redeeming blood of Christ Jesus. Bought and paid for with the price of His sacrifice. You are a child of the One True King. You are amazing and special in the sight of your Father. Now tell the enemy to stop lying to you in Jesus name, and seek the face of the One who has died to be with you eternally. Let the love of God consume you, and open yourself to the life He has to offer you. Freedom and love in abundance!

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39

May 15 2015

Loving the Unlovable

Who are the unlovable? They are the family that has broken your heart. They are the friends who have betrayed you. They are the homeless, begging for your money on the corner. They are the co-workers who have taken your promotion or the boss who hates you. They are the people who just cut you off while driving. They are the ones that bullied your child. They are you.

unlovableWho are the unlovable? To God, that word doesn’t even exist. There is no one that is unlovable. God does not love the way we do. His love is an action, not a feeling. His love is not based on performance or warm feelings. He is love. God is the author and perfector of all love, and no matter how horrible we are, no matter how bad we act, who we hurt, how we disrespect Him – He will never stop loving us. Oh, how I wish I could say the same for myself.

 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Matthew 5:46-47

As a child I had a very distant relationship with my parents. I was very hurt by them, and felt very unloved. I felt I was unlovable. Never good enough. As I grew to be older I carried these feelings of hurt and rejection with me into every relationship I had. With boyfriends, friends or even acquaintances. As desperate as I was to be loved, I could not help but to push any and everyone away. It would be too much to bear to be hurt again. My poor broken heart could not take another beating.

I was painfully shy and would never try to talk to others in a social setting, let alone look people in the eye. I felt it would be best to let others come to me to start a conversation. Less chance for rejection that way. With friends and boyfriends, I was easily hurt. It wouldn’t take much for me to feel rejected and unlovable before I was pushing them away as hard as I could. Phrases like “I’m never going to talk to you again.” were a normal part of my life. I mean, if someone was going to hurt me, why should I let them be a part of my life? I didn’t deserve anymore hurt or pain. I couldn’t take anymore hurt or pain.

Thank God for His grace and His divine healing power. Once I came into a relationship with Jesus I began to know love in a completely new way. I just knew I was unlovable, yet here was Jesus, in all His glory, loving me. How could someone so magnificent love someone as unlovable as me? Yet He did, and it was the most amazing thing I had ever felt. Jesus love began to heal my broken heart and beat down spirit. Healing is often a process that takes time though. And I saw myself beginning the have the same relational problems with the new people I was meeting at church as I had in the past. I had the same drive to run away and hide from these people, so that I wouldn’t get hurt.

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

God had other plans for me though. Plans to grow me and sing a new song over me, so that I could blossom and grow like a tender young shoot. After months of feeling unlovable in many situations with others at church, I began a new prayer. “God, please help me love others the way you love.” Quite a big prayer for someone who has spent their entire life running from other people. Yet I earnestly desired it with all my heart. I had experienced God’s amazing love, and I wanted to share it. I just didn’t know how.

Jesus took me by the hand and walked with me through it. He began to open my eyes to the little things I did that I could change. Starting with making eye contact and smiling at others. I saw that my smile brought a smile in return and I loved it. Soon I was giving encouraging words to others and praying for them. It made my heart swell with love – just a little piece of love like God has for us. It was wonderful.

I thought I was doing great, but Jesus again, wanted to nurture and grow me, to develop me further into loving others as I had asked. There were still the unlovable, waiting in the wings. It was so easy to love those that smiled back and were uplifted by my encouraging words. But not everyone is going to be easy to love. I had to tackle my disgust at the homeless next. God opened my heart to the unlovable homeless and soon, I was even loving them. Then there were those who had hurt me in the past. I began to open my heart to those poor souls, who I knew were as lost as I used to be, who were captives just as I was. I began to feel love and compassion even for them. My heart was full and happy.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

I was doing so well at loving with the help of Jesus. I felt good and I wanted to love even more. Well, when you ask God for more, He is always happy to respond to that request! God began to place people directly in my life that were completely unlovable. I started to forget my prayer to love more, and started to feel filled with anger and even hate. It was startling and distressing – it was as if the old me had crept back in when I wasn’t looking. How could I even have such feelings left inside of me? Hadn’t I been doing so well-being kind and sweet and encouraging? Then I began to get upset with myself for being such an awful person. There I was again, completely unlovable.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Yet Jesus spoke to me so kindly, so sweetly. Don’t you see my child, that I love you even when you are hateful and mean-spirited? Even that cannot separate you from my undying love; from my mercy and grace. In my eyes, you are completely lovable, and you always will be. And this is how I am going to teach you to love those around you that you find to me unlovable.

I have to admit that was like a slap in the face and a sweet embrace all at once. Whatever that feels like…I am still prey to believing those old lies that I have listed to for so many years. It is still easy to fall into that trap of pushing people away, or putting up a wall around my heart to protect myself. But I don’t have to do that anymore. I have all the protection I need. I had the shadow of the mountain to cover me, to hide me from anything that is more than I can bear.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

 

Category: Christian Life, My Salvation | Comments Off on Loving the Unlovable
February 24 2015

Impossible Love

love-538434_1280Have you ever had your world turned upside down for love? Have you ever loved someone so much that it inspired you to become a better person? Has there ever been someone so special in your life that you were willing to give up everything for them, because they were just worth it? I have. Let me tell you about it.

He is the most beautiful man I have ever met. He is compassionate, loving, gracious, kind, and so forgiving. As a matter of fact, no matter how awful I am (and I can be pretty awful) he always forgives me. He always makes time for me, always listens to me and always shows me how much he cares about me. He wants to know how my day went and he wants to hear my problems. I guess you could say he is pretty perfect. And I adore him with all my heart and soul, with every fiber of my being, every breath in my body.

His name is Jesus. He is my God, my King, my Savior, Lover of My Soul, Holy and Righteous, The Almighty, Counselor, Friend, Father, Redeemer, Rock. He is my everything, and I owe my very life to Him. Before I met Jesus, I never knew how wonderful love could be. I never knew how amazing life could be! I spent most of my free time trying endlessly to search for happiness. Filling the void with TV and people and games and whatever else sounded good in the moment. Nothing ever had any purpose though. I was always left feeling empty.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8

But Jesus knew this about me. And he knew that he had the answer that would be the exact cure for my suffering soul. Jesus had been pursuing me for years. Well, all of my life actually. Somewhere inside me I think I knew…but it was easier to run from him. I didn’t really know who he was and what he would want from me. And I was so scared. Scared to be hurt again, like I had been so many times before by people. But Jesus never gave up on me. Not once. Even when I regularly used His name as a swear word.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39love

Yet he forgave me for even that. How can that be? How is that even possible? For love. He did it all for love. I can barely grasp the fact that God loves me, let alone the fact that He loves me enough to passionately pursue me. To die for me. Many times I have struggled with the fact that Jesus would die for me. Little old me. I am nothing special. But to Jesus I am. I am precious and beautiful to him. Always.

So when I met Jesus, I knew, He was worth everything to me. He was worth turning my life upside down for. He was worth giving up anything and everything for. But then things got complicated. Jesus asked me to start to become set apart for him. He did not want me to look like everyone else around me. It wasn’t just that he asked me to give up things of the world. Or to learn to love all his children. Or to become more modest. He wanted me to be brave and bold. To speak out in His name and to learn to use amazing gifts that he gave me for the good of His children.

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit,  to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit,  to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills. 1 Corinthians 12:4-11

Gifts that set me apart from the average person you talk to on any given day. Not because I am special, or unique. No, because he has these gifts for each person who would take them. Gifts to prophesy, to heal, to pray for others, to see spirits, to give a word of wisdom, or a word of knowledge, lead, serve, speak in tongues or interpret tongues. But what do you do when you have some of these gifts and live in a world that doesn’t believe that they are real anymore? How do you move forward learning about your spiritual gifts when there is no one around you to even teach you what they are, or what gifts you might have?

Are you going to be willing to be so set apart that you step out in faith and use your spiritual gifts? Are you going to be bold when you hear God tell you to heal others or to give a word of knowledge to someone or to begin to speak in tongues? These are wonderful gifts that God wants us to use to help each other. But it can be scary. It is so easy to suppress the calling to do God’s work when it is something difficult. I am certain that many of you have heard a calling from Him. A soft whisper that was leading you towards more. To use your spiritual gift, to step out onto the water and walk with Jesus. To go up to the mountain and witness the transfiguration.

What would that do to your life? How would that change you? Are you willing to listen to God’s call, his sweet and soft whisper? Have you ever loved someone so much, so very much, that you just ached to the very core of your soul?

Then maybe it is time to take Jesus’ hand and take that next step he is asking you to take. You will be afraid. You will not know what to do. You will at times feel that it is far too much for you, and you may even feel that it is just plain crazy. But you need to remember one thing. Nothing is impossible with God.

But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Category: My Salvation, Who Is Jesus? | Comments Off on Impossible Love