February 15 2016

Occult Hidden In Our Society

occult

I know many people who believe that the world of the occult is limited to those who do witchcraft or magic, such as witches and satanists. They believe that they are not influenced by the occult in any way, and are safe from it. They celebrate satanic holy days such as Halloween, believing there is no harm in it. They watch television shows about witches and read books about magic and feel there is no involvement with the occult in these practices. However, the fact is that the occult is actually hidden in so much of the media and movies that you almost cannot help but be exposed to it.

Before we go into the occult in our world today, we must first define what the occult means. Here is the definition from Dictionary.com:

Occult1) of or relating to magic, astrology, or any system claiming use or knowledge of secret or supernatural powers or agencies. 

2) beyond the range of ordinary knowledge or understanding; mysterious.

3) secret; disclosed or communicated only to the initiated. 

4) hidden from view.

As you can see, the occult is the use or practice of witchcraft or supernatural powers, and it is secret or hidden. Let’s look at some examples of practices of the occult so we can get a better understanding of how to recognize it around us. These are all things also mentioned in the Bible.

contacting dead ancestors through mediums, predicting or telling the future through psychics or fortune tellers, knowing the future, astrology and horoscopes, magic charms, astral projection, calling on the dead, channeling spirits or dead ancestors, seeing or speaking to the dead, Ouija boards, palm reading, chakras, energy reading or moving energy around or aligning energy, spirit guides or spiritists, tarot cards, crystals, yoga, I Ching, automatic writing, white magic, incantations, chanting.

Then there is anything that is included in witchcraft and Wicca, and Satanism, as well as many practices of cults, secret societies and other religions that worship false gods, such as animal sacrifice, baptizing the dead, casting spells, doing rituals, cursing people or objects, worshiping idols, summoning demons, seeing and speaking with demons.

This is just a short list of the many things that are practiced in the occult. The occult is a creation of the devil. The devil uses things that look good and helpful to us to deceive us into stepping into them and then getting caught in his trap. Most people who get involved with the occult do so either by force or by deception. There are few (in my opinion) who knowingly step into worshiping darkness. There are those who also get forced or tricked into involvement, but then willingly decide to commit themselves to darkness.

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons.

1 Timothy 4:1

What makes the occult so dangerous? The occult is a gateway to the demonic. Once you open up the door to your soul through occult practices, you are giving the devil and his demons rights to you. Theses rights allow them to come inside you (not possess you if you are Christian), to mess with the way you think, what you believe, how you see the world and God, and your physical being and emotional/mental state. Some believe that only doing astrology or yoga or reading books is not dangerous. You are not really involved or it is not really too bad, because you are not actually practicing magic. You are involved and you are practicing magic. What about those who are just passively watching while it happens? Are they really participating or involved. Very much yes. You are right there open and allowing the demonic to enter in to you. Even just watching is a form of submission and acceptance to what is happening and is opening you up to evil. Even if you are just watching it on TV or a movie.

Now some things in our society are pretty obvious in showing magic – they are about witches, vampires and things of that nature. Other things are not so obvious to those who don’t have an understanding of the occult and how it works. That is why it is so deceptive, because it is hidden in plain sight. So you may be watching one of your favorite movies, such as Star Wars, Maleficent,  or The Matrix, or one of your favorite TV shows, such as the Super Bowl, Big Bang Theory or Game of Thrones which are laden with occult activity and symbolism and be involved in the occult. That is a pretty heavy statement to make I realize, and there are many who will shut down and not be able to hear this. I completely understand that. I lived most of my life involved in the occult and half the time had no idea. That is because as the definition says, it is a secret hidden from the uninitiated.

Nobody wants to think they are being indoctrinated into the occult or the belief systems held by the occult without their knowledge. That is something that is too shocking and upsetting to even consider for most people. And the truth is that the media that has the occult weaved throughout it, is de-sensitizing us to the occult and witchcraft in the movies and music, etc. It is hiding the occult in these things, so that the occult is normal and acceptable, not something bad or evil. More than that even, it is just unnoticed and therefore nonexistent to us. But our minds and souls are taking it all in, integrating it into our thoughts and actions subconsciously.

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:3

 It is not limited to TV or movies either. It is in music, books, commercials and more. The occult is deeply immersed into our culture, in every way possible. Why? Because the devil runs the show on earth. It is his domain. He is prince of the earth, and does what he wants, which is to fill each of us up with as much evil as he possible can. That way he can steal us away from God, kill our souls, and destroy ever shred of hope we have to go to heaven and to know Jesus. He has succeeded many times in destroying souls and bringing them into darkness with him. I am living proof of what the devil tries to do – but God is greater! He has redeemed me from a life in the occult and witchcraft, even when I thought I wasn’t a part of it anymore. The occult gets so deep into your soul that you cannot just renounce it and walk away. It takes time and work to cut all of the ties that bind you in. That is the way it was designed. The devil is not stupid. He gets you started as a child – just look at the cartoons for children now days – Gravity Falls, The Lego Movie, Frozen – they are all rife with magic. Children as young as 2 and 3 are obsessed with Frozen and have it on everything they own; clothes, bedding, lunch boxes, toys, toothbrushes. Frozen does a wonderful job at making magic look good. After all, the sister who has the magic powers has suffered and is really just a good girl. It is not her fault. And in the end she can use her magic powers for good. Children sing the theme song, which is a tribute to the occult. Just read the lyrics.

So as children we begin our descent into the occult, without ever realizing it. The devil is very sneaky. As we get older we naturally gravitate towards the things of the occult. Again they seem harmless and fun. Things like yoga, astrology, psychics, and movies about witchcraft (Harry Potter, etc), crystals, karma, numerology, Ouija boards, Reiki, auras, meditation, therapeutic touch and much more. These are things that are acceptable in our society, and many Christians participate in them or watch them on a regular basis without realizing that it is a practice of the occult. All of these things are tapping in to the power of the demonic and harnessing the energy of said demons. All of these things open a gateway for the devil into your heart and mind. There is nothing more dangerous in this world than inadvertently opening yourself up to demonic oppression, because you don’t even know you have done it. Then the devil has an in and you are completely unaware.

Once the devil gets a way in, he begins to cause problems first with our beliefs and thoughts about the world and God. We slowly start moving away from the Biblical mindset and start moving into a worldly mindset. Remember, the world is the devil’s domain and the opposite of the Truths of God. Once we began to believe the lies that he implants, we stop listening to the convictions of the Holy Spirit. We go back to the same place as Adam and Eve, when the devil tempted them in the Garden. “Did God really say?” he asks you. And you question whether or not God said not to watch movies about witchcraft or whether Frozen really has witchcraft. You question whether or not visiting a psychic is really harmful, or if getting healing in a Reiki session is wrong. The Bible doesn’t actually list any of those things specifically. And if I am hurting and haven’t found an answer, then why not give it a try.

 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

But guess what – part of the reason you are hurting and searching is because the devil has already done a job of causing a rift between you and God. He has also gotten into your body to cause you pain, infirmity, sickness, disease, depression, anger, despair, and many, many other problems. If you want to walk through life believing your problems are just due to having a bad season or bad circumstances, etc, then you are not remembering the Truths of the Bible. You have an enemy who wants to destroy you. Only one enemy – and you have to stop giving him the power in your life to wreak havoc. You have to open your eyes to what you are allowing into your home, your heart, your mind, your children. God has warned us countless times in the Bible to not fall prey to the ways of the devil, but we keep ignoring Him, and falling into the ways of the world, just like the Israelites did.

JesusGod is not angry with you for letting the occult into your life. He understands the ways of the devil and knows that we are weak and fall prey to temptation easily. But God always gives us a way out. God gives us strength in our weakness. He is here with us, every day, for all of our lives on earth, to help us learn more about Him, so we can rely on Him to do this thing. Once you become aware and know the Truth, you are now responsible for acting on it. If you do not, you will be held accountable for your choices. God wants to help you, but you must draw closer to Him. There is not condemnation in Christ Jesus. He loves you, and He wants only the best for you. He knows how difficult life can be, but He also knows how a deep intimacy with Jesus can bring you the greatest joy and freedom you have ever experienced. There is nothing more exciting and satisfying in this world than Jesus Christ!

If you are struggling and feel like you are addicted or obsessed or have no control over things like watching Harry Potter, or the Ouija board, or anything else I have listed (or maybe didn’t list) then you are in very deep and need help. God will free you and send help for you, if you just cry out to Him. You are not alone!! Jesus will never, never leave you – no matter what choices you are making, or have made. Just know that God has the most amazing plan for you! Bigger than any dream you could even imagine for yourself. You just have to begin a trust walk with Him, to move closer to Him, and let His light bring you healing and redemption. The occult is not bigger than God. Jesus has defeated the devil, and he will not win. No matter how bad the state of the world looks, this Truth will never change. So step out in trust and see what God has for you! You have an amazing journey ahead my dear brothers and sisters! It is time to persevere!

 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

October 12 2015

The New Age Deception

NewAgeOn a recent weekend, I had the most amazing getaway with my husband! We had not been away alone, without kids, in about 8 years! As soon as I found out we had a sitter for two whole nights, I started planning our trip. I was unbelievably excited, and I wanted it to be super romantic! After much searching around I decided to book a room at a little inn we went to 10 years ago where I first fell in love with my husband. It is a tiny town where a gorgeous river meets the Pacific Ocean. There are other little towns near by, and so I knew that we would have lots of adventures while we were there.

We got to the room late the first night, almost 9 o’clock, because we stopped to have dinner before checking in. We found a cozy restaurant with views of the river and the ocean, where we watched the sun set. It was a marvelous beginning to a romantic weekend! The room was actually a whole house with two stories. We resided mostly on the bottom floor, where there was a bathroom, kitchen, living room and bedroom. Not to mention a private deck with hot tub. The house was very old, probably about 100 years or more, and didn’t look like it received a lot of upkeep. We were excited nonetheless, because hey, we were alone!! You really can’t beat that, no matter how dirty an old house is.

It is funny because the house was kind of eerie. And when I say funny, I mean if you would have asked me a couple of years ago (before I was Christian) I would have told you that the house seemed haunted. There was just something about that old house that really creeped me out. Not to mention the Buddha statue in the back  yard. The next morning we went to the inn’s restaurant for breakfast. I noticed right away an altar in the corner of the room, complete with a large Buddha statue, crystals, and other such things. It reminded me quite a bit of the alter I had back when I was a witch. There was a sign attached about wanting to spread good vibes because there is enough negative in the world already.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

My inner alarm was going off by this point. I knew that being near the ocean there was a chance that we would run into a New Age mindset, but I thought this sleepy little town would not be affected. Oh how wrong I was. This was only the beginning of the New Age movement I would see on our trip. We visited several stores, shops, and boutiques in the surrounding towns, and every single one of them was filled with charms, idols, crystals and other New Age items.

What exactly is the New Age Movement? New Age is a mix of different spiritual and religious practices that each person chooses to adopt for their belief system. It includes things such as witch craft and the occult, shamanism, mysticism, Hinduism, Buddhism, yoga and much more. It is a way to identify who you are spiritually, and to find higher ways of consciousness and thinking, or enlightenment. It’s main purpose is to help a person to connect with their inner being, and with the universe around them. New Age promotes oneness with the universe and the earth, because they are sacred and living beings in which we are connected to, and come from. The New Age movement teaches that everyone is basically good and a part of god. God can be one or many gods, but always an impersonal force that manifests in many ways, such as nature. New Age also teaches that evil does not exist, especially Satan and hell.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

Psalm 14:12

I know this all very well, because I spent a good part of my adult life heavily involved with the occult and New Age. I had no idea that I was even involved in New Age though. It started with my interest in the occult (okay interest is not really the right word. I was a practicing witch.) I became very interested in Eastern Religions and everything about them. I studied Buddhism and Hinduism as I tried to understand higher levels of consciousness and loosing myself to be more god-like. I can’t say I really knew what I was doing, but I really wanted to be connected to the higher power I knew I was a part of. It just wasn’t the Christian God. I tried meditating and placing crystals and gem stones on my chakras and opening my third eye. I tried yoga, astrology, tarot cards and reading the I Ching. I did this alongside of my normal practices of casting spells and performing rituals as a witch.

They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Romans 1:25

When I stopped actively practicing witch craft I still had my New Age thoughts and practices to lean on. I was ever searching for the Truth of what the meaning of life was, and why I was here. I wanted desperately to connect with whatever higher power there was out there. I worshiped the earth and practiced being a good person and taught my kids about being good people. It was so very important to me to be ‘good’ and do rack up good karma points. I wasn’t sure what was waiting for me after death – possibly reincarnation, but probably just my spirit being released back into the energy I came from.

All of this might sound a little out there to some people, but to others a lot of this (or maybe even a little) is going to resonate as truth for you. You have been searching, and you may even already be a Christian. You have never made a deeper connection with God or maybe were not sure if you really believed that Jesus is God. You have been hurt and alone for so long, that you want to find that deeper connection. And very possibly you had no idea that you had been lured in to the New Age Movement. The New Age is very seductive in its ways. It comes to you wrapped in sweet-smelling incense, the health consciousness of yoga, and the beauty of connecting with your higher self or nature. It is so very appealing! Yet I am here to warn you on how dangerous the New Age Movement is.

Once I became a Christian I spent the first few months coming to understand who God the Father is, and what Jesus had done for me. I received the Holy Spirit and He began to do a great work in me, to help me understand the will of God. So I easily got rid of many of my New Age items. It was a process, because it took me a year to realize that the yoga I had been doing was also part of the Eastern Religions and was actually a form of worshiping other gods and inviting the demonic in. I easily got rid of the more obvious items, such as Buddha statues, books on witch craft, and tarot cards.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:34

It has been two and a half years as I write this that I have come to a glorious relationship with Christ Jesus. He has taken all of the New Age and occult beliefs I instilled in my heart for so long, and redeemed me and filled me with the Truth I so desperately had been searching for! I can’t tell you what comfort I have in the knowledge that I was created for a purpose! By a loving God who knows me by name and loves me deeply enough to die for me. And to know I was created, not evolved from monkeys are some sea sludge (yes I seriously believed that too). And there is no more fear of death for me, but sweet joy in the knowledge that I will be with Jesus in heaven! Hallelujah!

Thanks to the gift of the Holy Spirit in my life, I have been giving great discernment and understanding of the workings of the spiritual realm. Satan meant to destroy me with his New Age deceit, but God has turned it around for my good, by giving me this gifts. I now can see how the enemy has tried to harm me and many others in this world by propagating the New Age lies. The New Age Movement brings death and deception, unlike the Truth that Jesus died to save us from death and hell. What glorious freedom we have in Christ Jesus!

So back to my vacation. In times past I would have been very charmed by the shops with the Hindu gods on the walls, and the incense burning, and the Indian music playing sweetly in the background. I would have felt peaceful and enchanted. Now I felt repulsed for the first time by these things. I could feel the demonic presence emanating from these occult and New Age trinkets and other cursed objects. It only took two steps into a building to register the evil that had been welcomed into each place. At first I was repulsed and afraid. I know how to deal with the demonic and walk in the power and authority Jesus has given me, but it was surprising and overwhelming. But eventually I just felt sad and angry. The New Age Movement has brought death to so many people, while they unwittingly fall prey to its beautifully packaged lies.

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth.He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John 16:13

cloudsI wanted desperately to help these people, to bring Christ into their lives. Jesus is the only True source of Power! So as I walked through the last of the shops I prayed silently or in a whisper to bring the Holy Spirit into these places. To ask God the Father to come in with His power and authority and make Himself known to these lost souls. We need our Father so badly. We just can’t do this life without Him, and we were not meant to. We were created by Him for a loving relationship. We are so passionately loved by Him, and He wants nothing more than to bring each one of His children into His Kingdom!

If you have fallen prey to any of the lies of the New Age, then rejoice now! Rejoice? Yes! Rejoice because your freedom is now here! It is as simple as renouncing all activity you have done that has purposefully or inadvertently involved you in the occult and New Age. Then repent of these things and ask God to forgive you. Which He has already done! Ask your Father to show you anything else you have done unknowingly to practice New Age beliefs and to cleanse you of them all. Then ask Him to bring you the knowledge and wisdom of His Truth. It really is that easy! Your Heavenly Father is here to walk you through this, by way of the Holy Spirit. He loves you and is not at all angry with you for any of these practices you may have done. On the other hand, He is very saddened to see His children be lured into this horrible deception that leads to the path of destruction.

Thank you Father that you have loved us so much that you sent your only Son to die for us. Thank you Jesus for your work on the cross, and for defeating sin and death for each one of us. Thank you Holy Spirit that you live in each one of us, and lead us in all Truth and wisdom. We love you so much, and we ask for your protection from any ways that the enemy might try to deceive us from this day forward. We pray this in Jesus mighty name. Amen!

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

Colossians 2:8

 

October 29 2014

The Witch Within

When my ex boyfriend took his own life I decided I was very much an atheist. At that point I had very limited knowledge of God. I did go to a Mormon church with my grandma as a child, but I have no memory of learning anything about Jesus or God. When my ex boyfriend killed himself though, I knew there could not be a God. No God would let such a tragedy occur. You know the famous question, why does God let bad things happen to good people? Well my answer was, he doesn’t, because he doesn’t exist. End of the story. Maybe behind my rejection of God I was really just searching for truth. I had no idea where to find it, I just knew it was in Christianity.

Probably about a half a year later I met a couple that were Wiccan. It was my first encounter with a witch. I was going through a goth phase so it suite me perfectly. I was intrigued by them. The man of the couple found out I was an atheist and began to talk to me about his concepts and ideas of god. He presented the information in a new way that I hadn’t heard before. A way that just started to come together and make sense with the way I saw the world. I was soon drawn into the world of witch craft and occult.

witchBefore long the man introduced me to his brother. It was love at first sight for me. I am pretty sure he felt the same way, even though he had a girlfriend in another city. Within the blink of an eye this couple and this boy, who quickly became my boyfriend, turned into my whole world. They taught me about their Wiccan worldview and how to practice “magik”. We experimented with drugs together, and played music together. They were my new family, and I was on top of the world once again.

This boy was my everything. I thought he was gorgeous and he played guitar and sang and wrote his own songs. What more could a girl like me ask for? I wrote him poems and sang his songs with him. For the first time my experience with sex was good – out of this world amazing. I felt like our souls were connecting! This boy had a lot of hidden issues that slowly came up to the surface during the few months we were together. Issues much bigger than I could possibly know how to handle. He revealed a deep secret to me that should have sent me running as fast as I could. I stuck it out though, because I am loyal to the core when I love.

This family was run by a mother and father who were also Wiccan. It was a big part of their lives, and they instilled within me a core and awe towards this religion. Unfortunately the mother decided I was just not good enough for her son, and soon I was told I couldn’t come around anymore. I was absolutely devastated.  This boy was supposed to be my soul mate. Forever. And now he was telling me we couldn’t see each other anymore. I didn’t understand it.

For the next year I carried a torch for this boy. He haunted me in my dreams. I wrote a song for him and taped it and sent it to him. I sent him poetry I wrote for him. I was so desperately in love with that I was willing to go to any length to get his attention and get him back. But that was not going to happen. My emotions were all over the place as I went from certainty that we would be reunited to utter despair at the loss. One thing was certain, that I would not let go of the pagan ways that I had learned from that family. It was who I was now, and I was determined to learn and grow as a witch. I was proud to be a witch and call myself pagan.

This experience was the catalyst that brought me into the world of the occult.  It was who I was, how I saw the world, how I identified myself, and how I experienced life. It was a rebirth of sorts and gave me an empowerment over my life in a new way. I also took away something else – I would love in a new way now. With all my heart and soul, with all the passion and loyalty within me. I would fight for true love, and I would believe in a soul mate out there, waiting for me and our forever.

I had no idea what darkness I was walking into when I began to pursue this lifestyle. When you invite darkness in, and welcome it with open arms, you are dancing with the devil and you don’t even know it. Darkness has a way of enveloping you so you can’t see anything else. It has a way of making the light seem so bright you don’t want to be a part of it and it’s just too much to handle. When you are in the midst of that darkness, you don’t even know what is true and right anymore. You only know what you are in.

The good news is, the darkness has not overcome the light. It is our love of the darkness that draws us ever nearer to it. But it is not too late to be delivered from it and have a life of light. Are you ready to expose it for what it really is? There is a path before you, and a guide beckoning to you. He holds the lamp that will light your path, and on that path you will discover truth and love. It is waiting there, for anyone who asks. If you seek with all your heart, and you will find it,  just as I did.

 

 

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October 30 2014

Pagan Pantheon

When I met the boy I thought was my soul mate, it sparked a passion inside of me. Passion for love, for music, and I dare say for life. I wanted to live because I wanted to experience love and meet that one special someone who was made just for me. I was convinced it was true, and it gave me something to live for. I began writing poetry that I would turn into songs and went to open mike nights one or two times a week to sing or read my poetry. I was beginning to be accepted in this community of artists and writers and it was great. All I wanted was to just open up my soul for the world to see. I wanted to burning passion within me to inspire others.pagan

My burning passion was often about love; love lost, and hope for love. And pain. There was still a lot of pain within me. Death was no longer some escape to look forward to, because as a witch death was something sacred and revered. In the wheel of life, death was a passage into another realm of existence. I had pondered over death and what would happen. I began to believe that I was a part of something bigger. Connected to a higher power – the universe – and that all life was connected to each other through this higher power. In paganism there are a couple of common beliefs to what happens when you die. One is that your body will die but your spirit will be reincarnated into another body. Of what type I was unsure. Another common belief is that when you die you pass into another world. A Netherworld or Summerland. A place where there is no physical realm, but it is all spirit. I also contemplated the thought that when I died my spirit would just be released into the atmosphere and I would be one with all life as I was before I was born. I had not made a decision on what exactly would happen, but all of the above were logical and reasonable to me.

This new connection I had consciousness of was absolutely amazing to me. I read and researched more and more about Wicca and my pagan roots. In studying I learned that all of our modern holidays were really just stolen by Christians from our ancestors of ancient times. The evil Christians had hijacked ancient pagan ceremonies and holy days for themselves, so they could try to change pagans into Christians. That really got me upset! I knew I didn’t like Christians, but now I really disliked them! Hate really isn’t too strong of a word here. Christmas was really Winter Solstice or Yule. The longest night of the year when we celebrated rebirth, which was just after Samhain on Oct. 31 where we celebrated death in our wheel of life. Not Halloween. Then in spring there was Ostara, not Easter. Christians were just counterfeiting real holy days to make them their own and nothing made me as angry as watching Christians steal our holy days.

I began to celebrate the pagan holy days – there are eight on the wheel of the year – more than I did the other traditional holidays. They had this deep and spiritual meaning for me, and were so rooted in the earth and the goddess. Yes, the goddess. As I learned more about being a witch I learned that the center of this lay the goddess. How can you have a god without a goddess? It made no sense! The god was important, but it was the goddess that was first and foremost to every ritual and celebration. What goddess you ask? Well there are many deities in paganism, each one of them important. I had several books to teach me about the different deities, how to call upon them, what they represented, and how to incorporate them in rituals.

For instance, the earth was a goddess, and I worshiped and adored her. Gaia, the earth goddess was the most sacred of them all to me. Giver of life, our home. She was to be feared and respected. Just look at the acts of nature that occurred. Never anger her, lest she unless her wrath upon you. And then there was the moon. There are many different names for this goddess, but that was not as important to me. It was just being in her presence that was enthralling. I would literally just sit in the back yard at night and take in her beauty and bask in the light. It was as if she could communicate with me. I never felt so alive!

This was only the beginning of my journey into the occult and the realm of witch craft. I practiced spells and performed rituals regularly. But that is another story. I had no idea that there is no such thing as gods and goddesses. It was amazing to me to be connected to a higher power, yet I refused to call that power God. I refused to believe there was only one God, and that there was no need for any other. I could never have accepted one God who created everything – the heavens, earth and people. That idea was ridiculous. I continued to worship creation, and not the creator. Because in my mind there was no room for a creator. I believed in the Big Bang. It was just so cosmic and spiritual when I thought about it.

If only I had known the truth then. But I was living in a lie. Previously I wanted to escape into another world to get away from how horrible I felt inside, and now I had achieved it. I went from idolizing boys to idolizing nature. And my world was complete. Or was it?

 

 

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November 1 2014

Witch Way To Go From Here

My walk with witch craft only increased with time. Eventually I got into a relationship and began to teach him about paganism. He got very interested in it as well, and soon we were doing rituals together. We also played music and wrote poetry together. It was not a relationship I envisioned myself in long-term, because I had big dreams of becoming a dancer or a writer or a rock star. I moved away from my goth style and into a more hippie style. Free and wild and in love with the earth and nature. We were young and in love and I didn’t worry about birth control and before I knew it I was pregnant. It kind of threw our lives into a tail spin. I felt trapped in a relationship that was supposed to be fun and temporary with a baby I was not ready to take care of.

Our relationship was fraught with problems from the beginning. As the relationship continued, with the added stress of a baby coming, things only got worse. We argued often and I had an idea of changing our pot smoking lifestyle to be more responsible while he did not. That made things worse. By the end of my pregnancy I really felt that we should get married. Believe it or not, deep down inside I was a traditional kind of girl.

We were married in a Celtic Hand-fastening Ceremony in a friends back yard. He was ordained as a minister online, so he performed the wedding for us. They were also witches, and there back yard was a pagan haven of sorts. It was the perfect atmosphere for two hippie witches to get hitched. The ceremony was a complete ritual in every aspect. Somehow when we were fighting just minutes before hand I knew it was doomed.witch

Months later he would cheat on me, with a friend of mine. It killed something inside of me. I never felt so betrayed in my life. I wanted to kill him, but mostly her. We had a baby together, only 4 months old. I did not think I could ever trust another man again. He did not want to be married any more. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, but now that we had a family I just wanted to keep it together. Because that is what is right. I couldn’t live with him cheating on me, and well he wouldn’t come home. He stayed with our two friends – also witches.

I moved in with my parents house and it was like hell all over again. Back in my old bedroom where I had tripped out on drugs so many times, and cried from depression and loneliness. Now I was back again with my precious little son and I thought my heart was going to crawl out of my chest and explode all over me. I had hurt before, but this was a new level of hurt unlike anything I knew existed.

I decided to move up North, about 400 miles, into a tiny hamlet where a cousin I barely knew lived. He lived in a mobile home park and offered to pay my first month rent. At the time, the escape sounded great, so off I went. I couldn’t take much, and because I didn’t even know how to drive (remember I rode my bike everywhere) my parents had to drive me and a little trailer full of stuff. It was about the most depressing drive ever.

This tiny village was in the middle of a national forest. There was a mobile home park, a gas station, a diner, a post office, and some scattered homes. That was it. Nearest real town was 20 miles down a long and windy road. I was officially stuck with no car, no job, no friends, and family I didn’t even know. Talk about jumping into a decision.

It didn’t take me long to regret that decision or for my husband to want me back. Problem was we still couldn’t stop arguing and he was 400 miles away. After a few months he decided to move up and be with us. As good as intentions we had, we were both too messed up to have a healthy relationship. Things went from bad to worse and escalated into physical fighting. It was a nightmare.

We were still practicing magic all the time though. As a matter of fact being in the forest made the magic more, well magical. To be so close to our mother goddess was amazing to me. I remember one Samhain (Halloween) doing a ritual to contact the dead. Samhain was a very special night as a witch, a night all about celebrating death and the witches new year. On Samhain, the veil between the worlds is the thinnest, and so it is the best time to contact the dead – our ancestors. It is a beautiful night, filled with reverence and awe. A Hallowed Eve, or Holy Evening for witches.

Out in the dark forest we built a fire and began to summon the dead. We were chanting and calling upon the goddess and god. The energy was stirring and the wind was blowing. Suddenly a giant face, pale and ghostly loomed before us. We had achieved our goal and reached through to the spiritual realm! It was exciting and scary all at once.

Our magic began to cross the line from white to grey. White magic is done with the intention of doing good, and grey magic is the intention not to harm, but not to do good. More moving into a selfish territory, but not harming anyone. Well we had a big problem with another man. He was going to do something to get us into trouble and we wanted to stop him. So there we were again, out in the forest, around a bonfire, casting a spell to keep him from doing any harm to us. We took something of his and burned it during the ritual.

This was just normal life for two witches. We loved Halloween and were proud to dress our young son up as a wizard. He would follow in our footsteps of course. I was a witch, and a pagan, and I would die that way as far as I was concerned. It was real, it was the truth, and I felt sorry for all those silly little Christians.

Well it wasn’t long after that our relationship ended permanently. I had wanted it to end, because I was so miserable, but when it did I could hardly bear it. You see I was pregnant with our second child. He left and moved in with another woman he had been seeing and I was alone again, with no job, a 1-year-old, and a baby on the way. Misery was like a bottomless pit that swallowed me whole. I was so deep inside that pit that I could not see out. I had no hope. I begged him over and over again to come back and make our family work. Reality is sometimes an ugly thing when it slaps you in the face.

I could not eat, could not sleep, could not function. Just the bare minimum to take care of my son and that was it. I was loosing weight and I was desperate. I began calling psychics to find out if we would get back together. Finally I concocted a spell that would bring him back to me and keep him from her. Except it did the opposite, and he was gone for good. I did not see him again for over a year, when our second son was 6 months old.

I moved back to my parents house again. I was more depressed than ever. Something really died in me then. I had no luster for life anymore. I started to feel those old feelings of wanting to just die. But I couldn’t because I had a son and another on the way to take care of. My parents helped me a lot. Somewhere on the way to maturing I stopped hating them and realized they did their best as parents. But I didn’t have it in me to do magic anymore. Not that I stopped being a witch. No. I could only focus on what I could, and that was getting through each day and taking care of my kids and picking up the pieces to my broken life/heart/family.

I am saved now. Saved by grace and mercy. Saved by Jesus Christ. I do not celebrate Samhain or Halloween anymore. I do not take my kids trick or treating, or to harvest festivals. We do not want to be associated with the evil of that night anymore. We want to honor Jesus now, because he is King here. Thank you God for taking me out of that life, and giving me hope and love. Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to heal the wounds from paganism, and to give me a new life. I am a new creation. I wish you could have seen me then and now, because you would be shocked at the change. That girl died the day that I accepted Jesus and as He hung on the cross, bleeding and dying, He took that old life with Him. Thank you. I have hope now and it is in Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

 

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