Sometimes you feel like the weight of your sin is so pervasive it could simply crush you to death. You grapple with it and try to get a firm grip on it to keep you from swallowing you whole, all the while keeping a tenuous hold on life. You let your imaginings run wild with how terribly awful you are and soon enough the sin eats you alive.
In order to avoid this horrid mess, you find a quiet place in your mind where you can find peace and rest. You start to believe that you aren’t horrible, but actually the opposite of horrible – divine. You are beautiful, and powerful, like a god/goddess. You are untouchable and larger than life and no sin can consume you. You are greater than all the sin in the world and better than that, you are its savior.
That is how I have been living my life, in this quiet passive way where I could just pretend that everything was fine, but the reality is I was being swallowed whole. I felt completely awful in every way, but I believed that I was making choices based on what was going to help everyone around me. I was drowning in despair, and creating a false reality as if I could sit at Sunday supper with the Lord and He couldn’t see my stained shirt.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
That is the problem when you have to convince yourself you are untouchable. Once you come down to reality you realize the reason you had to believe these things is was so much worse. When you are but a child with nowhere to go but up in the Illuminati, you do what you are told. You learn not to question orders, and you take what you are given. You learn that fighting leads to more suffering and compliance is the only answer.
Hence, you become a god/goddess in your own mind, because it actually saves your life. If you are a god/goddess, then you can’t be evil, and the evil poured into you can’t touch you. You believe you are doing what is right now matter how wrong it is, and if you let the facade crumble then you will end up in the crazy house.
Yet here I am friends, and I am not in the sanitarium as they promised me, but instead, I am being delivered and set free. I have learned to accept and love every little part of me that was stripped bare and held to the fire because it’s okay for me to be me.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43:2
Being me doesn’t mean being a survivor of satanic ritual abuse. It means being the beautiful child that God created me to be when He formed me in my mother’s womb. It means connecting to the Spirit of God who breathed His breath of life into me. It means walking in the identity that Christ died to give me. All of the experiences of my past have shaped me, but only Jesus Christ makes me who I am.
I have decided to agree with the truth God has spoken over me: loved, accepted, brave, beautiful. Overcomer. That is who my Father says I am, and that is how I am going to live. I am done walking in the shadows of shame and guilt for what has been done in my past. I am not going to allow the human spirits of my ancestors to haunt me and try to take me back into the darkness where they say I belong.
You ask me, what does the other side of darkness mean? It’s the place just past healing where you wake up and see that you are alive. Where life and death meet to bring about a new creation of your soul and a renewal of your spirit. And where you without absolute finality, that you are free.
Friends, won’t you join me in that place that marks your destiny of hope and grace where Jesus Christ has been wooing you to come to join Him, on the other side of darkness?
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:5