The Witch Within

When my ex boyfriend took his own life I decided I was very much an atheist. At that point I had very limited knowledge of God. I did go to a Mormon church with my grandma as a child, but I have no memory of learning anything about Jesus or God. When my ex boyfriend killed himself though, I knew there could not be a God. No God would let such a tragedy occur. You know the famous question, why does God let bad things happen to good people? Well my answer was, he doesn’t, because he doesn’t exist. End of the story. Maybe behind my rejection of God I was really just searching for truth. I had no idea where to find it, I just knew it was in Christianity.

Probably about a half a year later I met a couple that were Wiccan. It was my first encounter with a witch. I was going through a goth phase so it suite me perfectly. I was intrigued by them. The man of the couple found out I was an atheist and began to talk to me about his concepts and ideas of god. He presented the information in a new way that I hadn’t heard before. A way that just started to come together and make sense with the way I saw the world. I was soon drawn into the world of witch craft and occult.

Before long the man introduced me to his brother. It was love at first sight for me. I am pretty sure he felt the same way, even though he had a girlfriend in another city. Within the blink of an eye this couple and this boy, who quickly became my boyfriend, turned into my whole world. They taught me about their Wiccan worldview and how to practice “magik”. We experimented with drugs together, and played music together. They were my new family, and I was on top of the world once again.

This boy was my everything. I thought he was gorgeous and he played guitar and sang and wrote his own songs. What more could a girl like me ask for? I wrote him poems and sang his songs with him. For the first time my experience with sex was good – out of this world amazing. I felt like our souls were connecting! This boy had a lot of hidden issues that slowly came up to the surface during the few months we were together. Issues much bigger than I could possibly know how to handle. He revealed a deep secret to me that should have sent me running as fast as I could. I stuck it out though, because I am loyal to the core when I love.

This family was run by a mother and father who were also Wiccan. It was a big part of their lives, and they instilled within me a core and awe towards this religion. Unfortunately the mother decided I was just not good enough for her son, and soon I was told I couldn’t come around anymore. I was absolutely devastated.  This boy was supposed to be my soul mate. Forever. And now he was telling me we couldn’t see each other anymore. I didn’t understand it.

For the next year I carried a torch for this boy. He haunted me in my dreams. I wrote a song for him and taped it and sent it to him. I sent him poetry I wrote for him. I was so desperately in love with that I was willing to go to any length to get his attention and get him back. But that was not going to happen. My emotions were all over the place as I went from certainty that we would be reunited to utter despair at the loss. One thing was certain, that I would not let go of the pagan ways that I had learned from that family. It was who I was now, and I was determined to learn and grow as a witch. I was proud to be a witch and call myself pagan.

This experience was the catalyst that brought me into the world of the occult.  It was who I was, how I saw the world, how I identified myself, and how I experienced life. It was a rebirth of sorts and gave me an empowerment over my life in a new way. I also took away something else – I would love in a new way now. With all my heart and soul, with all the passion and loyalty within me. I would fight for true love, and I would believe in a soul mate out there, waiting for me and our forever.

I had no idea what darkness I was walking into when I began to pursue this lifestyle. When you invite darkness in, and welcome it with open arms, you are dancing with the devil and you don’t even know it. Darkness has a way of enveloping you so you can’t see anything else. It has a way of making the light seem so bright you don’t want to be a part of it and it’s just too much to handle. When you are in the midst of that darkness, you don’t even know what is true and right anymore. You only know what you are in.

The good news is, the darkness has not overcome the light. It is our love of the darkness that draws us ever nearer to it. But it is not too late to be delivered from it and have a life of light. Are you ready to expose it for what it really is? There is a path before you, and a guide beckoning to you. He holds the lamp that will light your path, and on that path you will discover truth and love. It is waiting there, for anyone who asks. If you seek with all your heart, and you will find it,  just as I did.