Today was a very difficult day for me. The minute I woke up I felt the pressure over my head squeezing me and began to pray. I tried to go through my normal morning routines, but before long my youngest two sons were out of control. They were screaming at each other, insulting each other, threatening violence against each each other, and even talking about wanting to die. I was barely able to hold it together. I was shaking on the inside, trying the best I could to not completely fall apart. I could get no discernment on why I felt so terrible, so all I could do was to hold on and say the name of Jesus.
It turns out that my household was under attack from a territorial spirit, who is on assignment, using generational blood rights through my husbands family line. I am no stranger to the war the devil has been waging against us. Some days I can stand up under the weight, but today I was being crushed. The war was more than I could bear and I just wanted peace in my household, and in my soul.
As I cried out to God, I pleaded with Him to just make the war stop. Doesn’t He know I’m not strong enough to carry this load anymore? Doesn’t He understand that it is just too much for one person to bear? Tears stream down my cheeks as I pray to not feel like a pile of crap for one day. I don’t want to be this person anymore; I just want to be normal.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
I do not tell you this because I am looking for sympathy. No, I am telling you this, so that you can know you are not alone. I know you feel like you are the only one fighting what seems like an endless battle; but you are not. You do not have to be strong enough. You were never made to carry the weight of this war on your own.
I have tried very hard to be strong enough, but I have always failed. I have tried very hard to carry myself through these difficult days, but I just cannot do it. I know there are many more just like me, holding our torches in the darkness. We are the light bearers, a beacon to the world, calling out to rise up in the midst of our pain and shame. Yet we have to remember one thing, we are not holding our own lights; we are holding the Light of The World. Jesus.
Imagine what it was like for Christ on His last day here in the flesh. He was betrayed by his friends. He was arrested and falsely accused. He was publicly humiliated, beaten to a bloody pulp, and forced to carry His own cross to His murder. He had His belongings stolen from Him, as He was mocked and laughed at. He was separated from God the Father and had to experience death and hell. And He did all of this for you.
Jesus saw your pain and your sins as He lay dying on that cross. He knew each burden we would have to bear, each shameful act that was perpetrated on us. That is why He chose to suffer as he did. Not because He had to, but because He loved you. So whatever we are going through right now, no matter how hard it is or how bad it feels, we can stand under the weight of it, because Jesus Christ is holding us up.
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
In this world we are blessed with the gift of a body and mind and emotions. These things make up our soul, which is an integral part of our experience here. However, it is not the compass that should guide us on this journey of life. Our souls are subject to many things in this world. Pain, suffering, abandonment, rejection, fear, terror, and so much more. It is through these many experiences of life that we begin to allow our souls to mold and shape who we are. We get lost, forgetting that we were not made as a soul, but as a spirit.
It is our spirits that reside in heavenly places with Christ right now. And it is our spirits that return to God after we depart from our bodies, leaving behind all of our earthly pains and problems. Once we are in heaven, we will not even remember what we struggled through on this earth. This are heavenly truths that God teaches us in His Word, and these are truths we must instill as deeply within our souls as possible.
We cannot allow our souls to dictate our lives, because when we do we are disconnecting from these important truths. We are one with God, who lives inside of us. We are spirit, created for eternity in communion with our Creator. We are children of the Most High, who calls us Beloved. We are are royal priesthood, called out of darkness to be the glory of God the Father.
We were created through Jesus and for Jesus, and when we try to remove Jesus from our lives, true suffering begins. We listen to the lies of the world: you are strong and independent. You don’t need anyone. You can do this on your own. You are a physical being in a physical world. Experience everything the flesh has to offer, and think of consequences later. Do as you please in every moment, and don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.
This is why we have one of the most powerful tools in the world to use against the lies of the world and the deceit of our hearts. The Word of God. Jesus is the Word, and His word will always hold true. It will never change, nor will it ever fail us. When we hide God’s Word in our hearts, it can never be taken from us. God’s Truth is our key to renewing our minds daily and bring healing and transformation into our hearts.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4;16-18
Whatever lies we have believed, whatever pain has been inflicted upon us, can all be healed and soothed by the truths and promises given to us from our Heavenly Father. We need to begin to build up a firm foundation on the Rock of Jesus Christ, so that when everything around us becomes unstable or when we feel shaken to the very core, we can know that none of that matters in the scope of eternity.
Healing is a process and a journey, one that can feel slow and painful, but will always be rewarded in the end. No matter how we feel we need to set all of that aside, and dig in deeper to the heavenly hope that created us. While growing roots into Jesus Christ may not stop the war, it will certainly bring you strength that you otherwise would never have. We are not called to find safety in the midst of peace, but in the midst of the battle raging all around us. Safety is the presence of Jesus in our daily battles, not the absence of war.
Right now, Jesus is calling you out of your hiding place, and saying ‘Rise up Mighty Warrior!’. You have been laying on the threshing floor, waiting for your death to come, but it is time to rise up. You are not dead, but alive in Christ. Rise up and take your rightful place in God’s mighty Kingdom, as a rightful heir and son or daughter. Take up your sword and fight. You were not called to a life of fear, but to a life of courage and honor for the Lord.
I personally know how difficult this battle is. You are not alone in this fight. We are all in this together, and more importantly, Jesus is here with us in the midst of it all. No matter what we feel, no matter what we see, Jesus has promised us this. You are not here by accident or by mistake. You were chosen for such a time as this, and through the strength and might of our Lord and Savior, you will overcome and persevere.
So when the battle becomes more than you can bear, rise up in the knowledge of God’s Truth and love, and with faith continue the fight.
For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
2 Timothy 4:6-8