Christian Life,  Into The Light,  Living In Darkness

Christian Drama

I guess I had formed some opinions on what it was like to be a Christian, before I ever became one. To sum it up in a word – perfect. So when I actually became a Christian and I wasn’t perfect, well that was just plain frustrating! And that meant that none of the other Christians I was seeing at church every week were perfect either. As a matter of fact I began to have problems with some of them, and it was really upsetting. But as a friend once told me, “church is people, and people are drama.”

I just thought we were all striving for a Christ-like life. You know, loving and kind and all that? I guess that is where that whole grace and forgiveness thing comes into play. Well during that first year as a Christian, I still had a lot to learn about those things. But problems with people was something I had struggled with all my life. cryingI thought that was something that I could just leave behind in this new life in a church full of perfect people. So when I began having problems with other Christians, it kind of hit me hard. My disillusionment came shattering down before me.

And as I tended to do in my past life, I began to obsess over problems I was having with other people. I couldn’t understand it, and it caused me great stress and anxiety. It wasn’t that all the problems happened at once – they were spread out over a period of several months. It was just the high expectations I had laid on myself and everyone else who claimed to be a follower of Christ. But it got to the point where I didn’t even want to go to church anymore. And I actually started dreaming of going to another church. A church where everyone was going to be perfect and I would have no drama.

The drama I experienced was the typical people drama ]. People saying they are totally going to call you to hang out but not even writing down your phone number. People acting like they are genuinely concerned about your problem, but when you really open up to them they just fall off the map. People talking about you behind your back.

I think what hurt the most was that I had hoped for real friends. I had never really experienced a real friendship with someone who cared about me and was going to be there for me. And I expected these people to be “real” because they were Christian. At the same time, I was judging them in my mind and complaining about them to my husband. A little hypocritical, don’t you think? I just didn’t know how to deal with it. Then one person who I had started to form a friendship with, told me that this was clearly a spiritual attack.

Spiritual attack? Interesting thought. I knew Satan was real, because the Bible tells me so, but I had never thought about him being Christianactive in my life. It made sense though. Satan wanted to keep me stuck in my old life, and not move forward with Jesus. Because if I  didn’t see anything positive happening in my church, then I would naturally get mad and blame God. And ultimately that is what our enemy wants – is for us to be separated from God. Remember the Garden of Eden? Satan made it clear then that he was going to use things that were familiar in our lives to seduce us or trick us into falling away from God. And his deception is very sneaky!

That gave me a new perspective on my problems at church. I realized that I could not let people drama throw me off and get me so upset, as I had my whole life before. I wanted to be active for the Kingdom of God, in a good and positive way. And I realized that if people were hurting me, that I shouldn’t take it personally. Because hurting people, hurt people. I should know, as I displayed that same behavior for so long myself. And being a Christian does not make you exempt from pain, or from hurting people.

So I decided to start praying for the very people who were hurting me. Every time I started to get upset and think about a person that had hurt me, I started to pray for them. I would pray blessings on them and their family. I would pray for healing from any hurt they may have. I didn’t know if my prayer was helping these people or not, but it felt good to let go off my anger and work towards a greater good. The more I prayed for these people, the less I was angry, and eventually the less I began to think about them. It brought healing into my soul and it was wonderful.

Being a Christian does not mean you are perfect. It does not even mean you are a good person. There is no good person, not even one. And we were never meant to be good, or perfect, but wholly reliant on God. That is why when the Israelites were wandering in the desert God provided food and water for them. We are lost out there in this world, wandering and unsure of where we are going. The days seem long and the night seems cold sometimes. But God knows exactly where we are going and how we are going to get there and He is waiting to provide you with all the help you need. As we walk with God in our Christian life, we grow closer to Him and to understanding what it means to live a Christian life. We learn to love as He loves, and forgive just as we were forgiven. Our imperfection is a beautiful gift. Take hold of it, and never let it go, and then you will see the glory of God working inside of you.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18