When I look back on the story of my life, it can be really easy for me to get caught up in feeling like I am a victim. I have had a hard life that has been fraught with so much pain and suffering, and sometimes it honestly feels as though that is all there is for me in this world. I have had many days where I have felt absolutely defeated and hopeless, and cannot see any point to my life whatsoever.
Yet isn’t that exactly what the devil would have me believe? Isn’t that what he has worked so hard for all of these years, grinding away at me until I believe I am less than human? Thank God for Jesus Christ, because without Him I would still be adrift in an open sea of despair, being washed away by the current of despair.
According to the Bible, we are not only here for a purpose, but we were each handpicked by God the Father for His good works! If that alone doesn’t pick up your soul, then let me tell you this: your life will never be meaningless, because God Himself is being glorified through it. How can that be so, you say? How can your life possible have an impact on heaven itself?
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
By making the choice to answer the call of God and give your life to Him, you are glorifying His name in all of heaven. It doesn’t matter if you are known by many, or have done great works, or if you are a great teacher or preacher. No. What matters is your heart, that you have humbly given to Him, and that you have faithfully walked with Him, even when you wanted to give up.
God sees all these things, and He is well pleased with you. Every one of us has a role to play in the body, each one as important as the next. Yes, some roles have a bigger impact than we can see, but it’s the quietest and subtle lives being lived for God that make the most impact in heaven. If you have a name around the world that is known or a ministry that is growing far and wide, you have less to give up and more to gain.
even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:4-6
Yet if you glorify your Father in heaven in the simple moments of your life, surrendering and submitting to His plan and will for you, then you, my friend are doing so much more.
To be honest, I never felt much comfort knowing that somehow I was making an impact by writing this blog or making YouTube videos. It has never meant much to me in the face of the great struggle of suffering I have endured through and continue to endure some days. When you are drowning in pain or realizing how bad your life really has been, it doesn’t matter if you are helping other people. It seems like nothing is worth enduring pain and suffering in those moments.
I have questioned so many times, ‘Why God? Why did you bring me here only to suffer and live a life trapped in pain?’ I have had to wrestle over and over again with God, but thankfully the truth has always prevailed. My pain and suffering were never in vain, but all to the glory of my creator and God.
Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.
1 Peter 4:16
Your life matters to God, and as long as you keep living for Him in all you do, He is well pleased with you. You are the light of the world, and in this dark world, you are needed. The love you have for Christ, the humble heart to walk with Him when it seems too hard to continue, is what makes a difference. There is nothing as hard as being set apart and following that call God has for your life. It is often frightening and confusing, but being able to trust God with your life is a faith that will move mountains.
I am only just now getting to a place in my life where I can recognize that the point of my story is not that I am a survivor, or that I came out of the darkness and into the light, but that I have worshiped Him through it all, no matter what. I have had such high expectations of what my life should look like, and what walking in victory should look like, but I have had to let it all go and realize that the only thing that matters is that I continue to worship God in every circumstance.
For me, that means dealing with dissociative identities that can take me to a Satanic ritual, or do witchcraft, or astral travel, or connect to fallen angels. These are huge things for me that terrify me and I thought that I would be all done dealing with them by now. But I don’t have control over my life, or even over these dissociative parts of me. I don’t have control over the effects of the occult on my life or the unseen forces of this world trying to take me down.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9
The only thing I have control over is choosing Jesus every day, over and over again, all day long. Choosing to praise Him and worship Him when I feel oppressed, depressed, anxious and terrified. I choose to believe that no matter what is happening, my life is still in Him. And I choose to trust in Him, knowing that no matter what, the devil will never take me back. He does not own me, because I have been adopted into sonship through Jesus Christ.
I am a child of the Most High God, and while that may not mean that I am safe from despair, pain, and suffering, it doesn’t mean that the God who created the heavens and the earth is my strong tower, my shield, and my rear guard. So, if God is for me, then what shall I fear in this world? Shall I fear the devil whose days are numbered and can no longer claim my soul, or shall I believe in the One who created that devil who has had me running in fear for so long?
You are not alone in your fight. We, as the body of Christ, are all in this together, fighting the good fight until we see Jesus return. He will return, and on that day, when He wipes every tear from our eyes, we will know full well that every second of this life was worth it, for Him. There is none more worthy than our beautiful lamb, who willingly became the sacrifice on our behalf, to steal us away from death and hell, and restore us to where we rightfully belong. In heaven.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Romans 8:18-24