As a new Christian, I could not understand suffering. I believed that if God loved me, He would relieve me of all suffering and give me a life of happiness and fulfillment. I believed that He was a good and loving God, and therefore naturally, He would protect me from every bad thing. What I didn’t understand was that suffering is not actually a bad thing, but a part of our walk as believers in Christ Jesus.
One of the things that bothered me the most about suffering was the feeling that it made my life worthless; that all of my suffering was for nothing. I tried to redeem my pain and trauma by finding meaning in this ministry, but I was working on it even when it hurt me,all so I could grow my blog and my Youtube channel. I thought that being known and doing interviews, and being acknowledged was God’s way of redeeming my suffering and making up for the horror I endured.
What I didn’t understand was that God had a purpose and plan in the midst of all of my pain and suffering; it was never for no reason. He knew beforehand all of the horrible things that were going to happen to me and He was right there with me, helping me to endure. You see, while the enemy had a plan to take my life, he never actually had the right to do so. All of my days have been ordained by God and only He decides when I breathe my final breath, not Lucifer.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Psalm 39:6
The enemy has worked hard to bring me to my knees so that I would confess him as my lord and savior, and forsake God. I admit, he has worked me over pretty well and I was fooled for a while by his ploys. However, once I got even a small taste of Jesus Christ it was very hard for me to settle for the counterfeit version that Satan kept offering me.
The Word of God prepares us to understand the deeper meaning of why there is suffering in this world. Yes, it begins with sin and the terrible repercussions of it, but there is so much more to it than just that. The beauty of suffering is what our God is doing in the midst of it. You see, time and time again the devil has tried to torment God’s people in order to turn them away from Him. He is like the bully in the playground that gets pleasure out of doing harm to others. What he doesn’t understand is that God relishes in turning what the devil means for evil and using it for our good!
It is absolutely amazing how God can take what was meant to be evil and completely turn it around so that He is absolutely glorified. The Bible is filled with story after story of men and women who trusted in God and His plan for their lives and how they overcame their own flesh and the devils’ schemes and their lives still shout out His praises today! That is the kind of life I desire. I want to know and believe that my God and Savior was not only there with me in the suffering, but it was used to glorify Him.
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.
Genesis 50:20
The devil has gone to the most extreme lengths possible to tear me down and make me into something that would glorify him, but God had a bigger plan in all of that. I have been faithful to go into the darkest places of my soul, the places where I have dissociative alters who actually worshipped Lucifer and the fallen angels, and see what he did to get me on my knees before him. I have relived some of the pain and horror of these moments in order to know things that no human should ever know, but I have done it all so that I could reclaim my soul back from the devil and give it to God Almighty, so I could worship Him even more.
Today I am living each day to find joy in Jesus Christ alone. I have been thankful for days of peace and rest and found joy in the wonderful blessings He has given me, and that is all well and good. Yet to find true joy I realized that it must be strictly in Christ alone; not in lack of suffering, not in having a good day, not because I have nice things or money to pay my bills. No, I need to find joy and contentment in only Christ, because then when I am suffering or living with the pain of my past, or even if my current circumstances change for the worst, I will only find peace and stability when I have joy in Jesus Christ. This is what God’s will is for us in this life.
Suffering has a purpose and is never meaningless in God’s eyes. He sees your suffering and is actually with you in the midst of it. Jesus was whipped so we could be healed, and therefore He knows suffering intimately. He bore the burden of all of our pain on the cross so He could take the brunt of it, while what we experience is only a fraction. If we truly only receive a fraction of the suffering meant for us, think how much more Jesus took for us.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
It is God’s undying love for us that brought him to this place of suffering. He did it willingly because having a relationship with His children was worth the highest price. You will never find a love greater than this. He is worthy of all honor, and glory and all of our worship. He is worthy of our trust and affection. Most of all He is meant to be our safe place, our haven of rest, in the midst of every circumstance we are under.
If you are struggling with pain and suffering today, please know you are not alone. I too have suffered and know the depth and level of pain that it can bring. Yet I also know the joy you can find when you surrender it all to Christ. You may not find that joy and peace today, but know it is possible in this life. Trust that God is working in you to bring you to a place of peace and stability so that you can find His peace that surpasses understanding, and He will not stop until He has finished, so that you are mature and complete, lacking in nothing.
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18