When I first came to the understanding that my family was an occult family that ritually abused me and worked my whole life to connect me to the highest order of the Satanic Illuminati, I was stunned. The pain of the realization was so overwhelming I became numb for a time. I went faithfully to my inner healing sessions every week to do the work, but then immediately shut out as much as I could until the next session came up.
Then once I came to a place of acceptance and even a certain level of understanding, my goal became to be free and healed. I wanted to be done and to move forward with my life. I have been in inner healing for five years now and it has taken me this long to come to a place where I realize that being done and being healed were never the goal. At least, they were never the goal for Jesus.
I have had my eyes set so far away from the real prize of this entire journey, and that is to truly experience the love and presence of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Deuteronomy 8:3
I have had many experiences where I was in His presence, or at least where I thought it was Him, but it is only when I can truly accept my identity in Christ that I can rest in His love. It sounded so easy at first: I would just do the work to find all the trauma and heal all of my parts and I would be fine. Then three years in I find out I am still going to Satanic rituals. My world began to fall apart around me because suddenly my goal of getting better seemed utterly unreachable.
Another year after that I get my mind blown by revelations of shape-shifting and having intercourse with fallen angels. It was more than I could bear. I went into total denial: a place where I could shut the world out and pretend to be normal. I began going to church again and getting heavily involved with a life group and other activities, even though I was struggling to function. I was determined to be the best me I could be, and that meant being a part of this church no matter what the cost.
I lost my identity in Christ as I started to go back to church and became so confused that I began to compromise the values that I personally held dear. All so I could tell myself I was better. I cared so desperately about being better I was willing to set my face against the truth that the deeper reason I was going to this church was to join another coven and I was still doing rituals.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
I do not want to participate in Satanic rituals, not here on earth, or in Second Heaven, but as a survivor of Satanic ritual abuse the dissociation and connections to the occult start at birth. The connections are so deep and fragmented away from your conscious reality that it is almost impossible to know that is has happened. That is the way Satan has set it up. Rituals started at my conception to connect me to darkness and they continued on until my poor, tiny brain could only survive by living in denial.
Yet I have been fighting, diligently, desperately, whole-heartedly, so I can be free. Until I finally came to realize, it doesn’t matter if I am free. The only thing that matters is Jesus. He is my comforter, my Father, my all in all. He is the reason I live and breathe. He is who I worship and desire – who my heart longs for – and as long as I live another day I will continue to fight to be in His presence and be who He created me to be.
Jesus is all we have, but when we take our eyes off of Him we become enamored with our own ideas. Healing isn’t the goal – Jesus is. I started looking for healing because I experienced a moment of His love and needed more. I lost sight of how much more valuable His love is than everything else. Yes, I want to be free from the occult and free my children and break every chain of bondage over us, but at the end of the day, the only thing that can matter is having more of Jesus.
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
2 Peter 3:9
God knew at the creation of earth all of the pain and sorrow we would endure here. He has not turned a blind eye to it and relegated us to wallow in the consequences of sin. He has given us a way out through the cross of Christ, but just as Jesus had to suffer to bear our sorrows, so shall we too suffer as we break away.
Being a survivor is being a person who loves Jesus with their whole heart, soul, and mind, and is willing to go to any length to cut off all ties to every form of false worship and idolatry that has been hidden within them so that they can truly worship Jesus in truth and in spirit. Being a survivor is not looking around every corner in fear of retribution, or blaming everyone else for your problems, or hiding from the world so you can be safe. It is recognizing that you are broken – so utterly and completely broken- and you just can’t do one single thing without Jesus Christ.
If you are a survivor, then this is your wake up call, just as it has been mine. Jesus is standing at the door knocking – will you open it and let Him in? Will you dine with Him and allow Him access to the deepest inner recesses of your soul so He can bring heaven on earth to every part of you?
We are in a battle – a battle to rescue our free will from Lucifer and then surrender it over to Jesus. Will you join me in fighting for the truth so we can stand firm against the kingdom of darkness and let Jesus Christ be our sword and shield?
If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14