Christian Life,  Healing,  My Salvation,  Satanism and Witchcraft

Why I Haven’t Given My Whole Self To Jesus

give your life to JesusWhen I first came into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, I committed my whole life to Him. I said, “take me, God, use me as your tool!” And I meant every word of it. The problem was that I wasn’t giving my whole self to Jesus. I was only dedicating a fraction of my soul to Jesus because most of my soul was not mine to give.

Before I was born, before I was even a thought in my mother’s mind, my life was given away to the devil. My ancestors, going hundreds of years back, had begun promising their future generations to Lucifer in exchange for power, fame, control, money, and eternal life. They were willing to dedicate unborn children and future generations to the gods of Molech and Leviathan no matter the cost.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12

When my mother was born, my life had already been given away. My mother, like her mother before her, repeated the words of the Satanic covenant of Mormonism to dedicate her life, as well as the life of any future unborn children, to “Elohim” aka Baal. It is a dedication of rights ceremony in which a child is baptized from their former life as a “sinner” into a new life as a reborn “saint” or god.

Only the elite members of the Mormon church are selected to go through this rite of passage and uncover the secrets of the treasures of everlasting life. My family, being founding members of the Church of Latter Day Saints in this area, were a part of this elite group of members, and so I never had a chance to know any other life.

When I was born, the rights that had been handed down the generational lines to me were automatically granted to the celestial beings in which the dedication was given. These celestial beings, which are fallen angels, Nephilim, Seraphim, and Rephaim, use these rights to dominate and control a person’s life, even down to a person’s thoughts and actions. That is the case in my life.

In that day the LORD will punish the gods in the heavens and the proud rulers of the nations on earth.

Isaiah 24:21

Every person has a connection to these celestial beings through ancestral rights; no one is exempt. During the course of my childhood, I was given away, reconnected to and dedicated to the family spirits on a continual basis. They would use extreme abuse and mind control programming to create dissociative alters so that they could connect as much of my soul to these beings as possible. For my families, it was Baal, Baphomet, Beezelbub, Leviathan, Kali, and Asherah.

These are the beings I have had to disconnect from, over and over again. I have spent the past four years of my life finding my dissociative alters, helping them disconnect from these beings, as well as lower level demons and human spirits. The demons and human spirits are used to help keep the mind control programming in place, coming in and out of my body at will, to constantly reinforce learned behaviors that keep me bound.

So when I finally came into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ six years ago and had that pivotal moment when I gave my whole life to God, I was only giving a fraction of my whole self over to Him. I wanted with all my heart to give my whole life to Jesus, and that was all it took for Jesus to save me. If you have a fractured soul as many of us do, you do not need to have all of your soul agree that Jesus is your Lord and Savior to be saved.

But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed.

2 Peter 3:10

The Bible says “because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart, one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” Romans 10:9-10. That is what I did, therefore I was truly saved.

It was at that point that Jesus took me on a whirlwind of change as He refreshed and renewed as much of my soul as possible. I stopped cussing, using Jesus as a swear word, watching violent/horror/sexual things on television. I stopped listening to worldly music ( I was listening to things such as Eminem and Metalica) and I switched to only Christian music. I went to church weekly and was in several Bible studies. I did away with everything from the occult in my life I could find.

I was dedicated to becoming a woman of God, who my Father in Heaven would be proud of. I was not ashamed of my former life anymore, and I became baptized to profess my love for Jesus publicly. When I commit, I am all in! This was no exception.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

The problem was, that after a few months of making all these enormous changes, I was still miserable. If I had given my whole life to Christ, why did I feel I was suffering so? I had done everything God asked me to do, and more. Yet I was still struggling with so much inner turmoil and pain that would come out like a raging monster in my everyday life. What kind of life is that for a Christian to live? Where were the fruit of the spirit in my life and the answering of my desperate cries for help?

I became more and more desperate for help and healing over the next year. I went from deliverance minister to deliverance minister, from prayer support to inner healing to online deliverance prayers. Nothing gave me relief from almost constant torment. Finally about two years into my walk of faith I met a local woman who befriended me. She invited me to have a deliverance through her ministry with her husband, and I was absolutely disinterested.

I no longer believed in healing and freedom. I was done with trying to get help. Yet somehow the Holy Spirit led me into the deliverance session where He uncovered truth about the bondage over my life that was so profound it shook the very foundation my life had been resting on. That doesn’t mean that I was completely freed of torment; no this was only the very beginning of finding the freedom I had been chasing after.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:11

At the time of my deliverance, I was working with a Christian counselor to try to find out why I was so angry, but Jesus led me to a gracious and loving woman who would help facilitate a new level of healing for me. I stopped going to the counselor and started sessions of deep inner healing therapy and that is where I have been for four years. This healing has been imperative to my walk with Christ and finding the stability and nurturing I have longed for my whole life.

I have met with Jesus every week to watch Him perform miracles of healing inside of me. I have witnessed Jesus taking this dissociative occult loyal alters and breaking them free from celestial beings, and human masters so He could reintegrate them back into a whole part of my original self. Slowly, piece by piece, Jesus has been working on integrating each of these alters into the part of my soul that was already saved, until I can now say that He has tipped the scales.

I no longer have more of my soul connected to Lucifer than I do Christ. Before, with all of the ancestral rights in place, I literally only had control over a fraction of my soul. Now, after intense inner healing, I have dedicated a large portion of my soul back to Jesus as He has helped me reclaim it.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

Revelation 21:4

It has been a long and arduous journey into freedom, but it was worth every step. I was so oppressed by these connections I didn’t even have access to most of my free will. I was operating from not only a place of pain but from human and celestial masters that actually had control over me. I never even had an anger problem, I had a Lucifer problem. I have been so demonized and oppressed for my entire life that I haven’t even known what it was like to be free, yet at the same time, I had no idea I was even a slave!

I am not saying I am done finding dissociative alters, because I know I have a lot more work to do. However, up until this point, my dissociative alters that were loyal to Lucifer got to control my body, and now my free will conscious that is loyal to Christ has control over my body instead! It is such a glorious thing to finally begin to feel as if I can be who God created me to be. A loving, kind, sweet, gentle, and humble daughter of the Most High God.

I truly believed I was an angry monster, a hateful woman who was worthless because I was too evil to exist. The devil had a hold of my mind and took every advantage he had to continue to keep me bound to these beliefs. Not anymore. I have rededicated myself back to Christ with new found freedom and I am not going to easily be swayed by the devil or his charms again.

I am truly honored and blessed by my life. If I had not gone into the deepest places and highest levels of the occult I have been in, I would not be able to write about them and expose them now. Jesus has trusted me with this gift to suffer for His name, and help to set the captives free with my testimony. I would not trade one day, nor even one hour of suffering for one second with Jesus in my life.

And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.

Revelation 12:11

Jesus’ love is a transformative power that can reach even the most desperately depraved soul, and once He takes hold there is nothing the devil can do to win them back. If you are a Christian, and like me have been struggling with feeling lost, unsaved, stuck in sin that you cannot shake, and feeling like you don’t even know who you are, then please rejoice with these words! You are not alone! Jesus has you, and you will never be too far gone for His saving grace.

I have only come this far because I have chased after Jesus in the face of great adversity. I have had every obstacle thrown in my way to keep me from reaching my goal, but I never let it keep me down. I have kept fighting the good fight, knowing that Jesus was the prize at the end of the race. We don’t have to wait until we get to heaven to experience the wonderful and rich love and mercy of Christ! We can be in His presence right now, this very day!

I love you all so much, my beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ. Please do not give up, but know that Jesus is your hope. If you have not gone through deliverance or have had deliverance but didn’t get to the important roots of ancestral rights and generational curses, I highly recommend you contact the same deliverance ministry that helped me. They are breaking new ground in the areas of personal freedom and healing all because they have surrendered their lives and this ministry to be vessels for the work of Christ alone.

fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10



  • Darlene

    Dear Beth Thank you for all your honesty and sharing your all that no matter what Jesus is the reason we have HOPE. Jesus Cares he is so Gentle, Pure, Holy. Yet in all his ways he truly understands . I to like William have been rejected by the church. The Modern church isn’t doing what the Bible teaches. We are to care and pray for one another. Beth you have helped me through your web site so much infro. on these occult things we get into knowingly and unknowingly. May God’s grace and mercy be upon each one of us as we walk out our own salvation in Christ Jesus No one cares like JESUS Like Beth we keep pouring our heart out to Jesus he said for those tears I die he see every tear that falls. Thank you Jesus you are right here with us all the way. move in us and have your being. . Keep coming to Jesus the light . his light sweeps away darkness.. Blessings in Christ Jesus

  • William Vosburg

    Dear Beth, I am a recommitted Christian who went away from the Lord. I had deep hurts from the church because of rejection. I lived like an unbeliever for many years, during which I married an unbeliever, it was good for awhile but now it’s a living hell. You and your ministry are big reason I’m back with Jesus , not the only reason but a big one. Two weeks ago I checked out your recommendation for deliverance Four Corners ministries and just reading it revealed so much I was so blessed I was walking in the Spirit for more than half a day I hadn’t experienced that sense I was a new Christian. I have a lot of the same disassociation alters you spoke of. Right now I couldn’t go through 3 hours of deliverance by Skype in my current situation, I haven’t any support from anyone. Sadly most Christians would have you committed to a mental institution for talking about most of this. I know I’m being long winded here but if you could please pray for me my wife I also have two daughters. I have prayed for your family starting last fall when I first heard you on utube. Thanks for your videos and blog.
    May the Peace of Jesus be with you.

    • The Other Side of Darkness

      Dear William
      Thank you so much for your prayers. God is faithful to complete the good work He has started in us and He will not leave you. It is do good to recognize your weakness, because then you can use it to glorify our Lord. It’s only in our weakness that we can see how desperate we are without Him. The enemy is fighting hard for your life, but he can’t win. Remember, this is a temporary condition. Use it to grow closer to God through Jesus and trust He has got your wife also.

  • Vee Steward

    Hi, do you know about the black birds coming to one’s house everyday? Please email me! Thanks for all you do!

    • The Other Side of Darkness

      Hi Bee
      Blackbirds are usually a coven of witches assigned to watch you. Birds are often used as familiar spirits to watch after or harrass. Please don’t be alarmed. You are in no danger. Allow this to bring you closer to the Spirit of God so He can transform you from the inside out. Jesus has you, and if God is for you, what can mere mortals do.