My Salvation

Praise For My Failures

As I raised my two oldest sons, I taught them about the things I believe in, naturally. Things like evolution and the Big Bang Theory. That is what I learned in school and I believed it was fact. I also believed Christians stole everything from pagans and I wanted my kids to understand that as well. I didn’t want them falling into any false notions that Christmas had anything to do with Jesus or that Easter was even remotely about God. It was all taken from our ancient pagan roots.

I didn’t teach my children about witch craft or magik, but I did teach them that there are many gods and goddesses, and that it was impossible for this Christian God to create the world and everything it in. We originated from the primordial ooze that crawled out from the sea. It made perfect sense to me at the time, I swear. bigbang

Now I listen to the theories of the Big Bang and evolution and I actually want to laugh. It sounds so silly to me now, and I can’t understand why it sounded so perfectly logical before. I mean I never actually have any real information to back up any of my arguments. It was just one of those things I knew was true. Everybody knew it was true – at least in the world that I lived in. The world of a pagan viewpoint.

 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? Romans 10:14

As a matter of fact, the year before we came into our Christian faith, I started a science lesson on evolution, including reading a biography on Darwin. I wanted it ingrained into these children. Just 6 months later we were going to a Christian church every Sunday and learning about the Good News. Who would have thought? Certainly not me, and definitely not my oldest son. He was 14 at the time, and completely head strong and stubborn. Turns out he wanted nothing to do with the Good News or Christianity in any way. And he let me know very clearly that he was an atheist.

An atheist? What a blow that was to me. How I had spent so much time teaching my child what I thought was true, only to realize I was so very wrong. I had ingrained into him the ways of the world, unknowingly, and now he was stubbornly set in it. And it was all my fault. My child could possibly go to hell for my ignorance. It was heart breaking. And the more I tried to teach him the truth that Jesus saves, and read the Bible to him, and show him videos that had astounding evidence for the truth of the Bible, he did not want to hear it. He actually was angered and disgusted the more I tried to teach him and “save” him.

I was failing completely and I was afraid for my son. I had come out of a life of misery, despair and depression, and left him in it. I could see his misery and despair and depression, and there was nothing I could do for it. I prayed for him often and slowly grew an army of prayer warriors who would also pray for him. A year went by and things got worse. My son told me that me becoming Christian was the worst thing that ever happened to him. It ruined his life.

I was distraught, but I was trying to do what was right for him. There were things that had to go in his life, things that had to be weeded out. Just like in my own life. Many TV shows, books, video games, etc. that I realized were just not healthy, had to be taken away. I can understand his anger towards me. My son is one who has never been fond of change. He is slow to accept change, especially change that he never asked for in the first place.

A year passed, and things were only getting worse. I did not know what to do. I even gave up on praying regularly because I didn’t see any fruit from it. I was just frustrated because I wanted to save my son and I couldn’t. God is so much bigger than that though. Our God cannot be limited by our failures or incapability. No, that is where we can truly see His power come through. God knew that I was not going to give up on my mission to save my son, so He had to remove me from the equation.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Psalm 19:21

God sent my son to public school. It was something that I was completely against. I never thought I would have one of my children in the dreaded P word again. I was convinced it was evil and I wanted no part in it. But when God calls, I answer. So when I felt God calling me to put him into a public high school, I was in denial. My husband prayed and confirmed my feeling. I am usually one to be pretty obedient, so I did it. But not without having a really bad attitude about it. I wanted God to know how unhappy I was about this decision of His. I mean why in the world would He ever want my son to go to public school!?

Well God is so much bigger than that too. Bigger than my bad attitude, bigger than school boundaries, bigger than all the worldliness in the school system. He is the maker of the heavens and the earth, Lord of Heaven’s Armies. How could I have ever doubted Him? Just because I could not see what was happening, did I really think nothing was happening? Well, I mean yeah, that is what I thought. But, God is so wonderful and merciful. Even though my doubt and anger, He loved me and gently showed me what I could not see.

praiseMy son loved public school and was thriving in it. I had to drive him to and from school everyday, because he got into a school out of our neighborhood, and so my prayers for him exploded. It has only been about five months, but I can already see a positive impact in my son. And get this, he is now not an atheist anymore, but an agnostic. Hey, that is really great news for me! That is a move in the right direction. I see my son being more positive and friendly at home, and not quite so angry. He doesn’t yell when we talk about Christianity or Jesus anymore, and is a little more open.

Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! Psalm 150:1-6

I mean the boy has gone to Sunday School, Youth Group, Bible Study and Rock Choir every week for almost two years. It’s not like he’s not getting the Word instilled inside him. So I praise God and His glorious and mighty name. And I thank Him for letting me get out of His way and stop trying to do His work. I have nothing but high hopes for my son and his salvation. And he will have an amazing testimony to share with the world, when he finally decides to accept the free gift Jesus has been holding out to him this whole time.

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26